EarthQuakes, Eli Stone and Jonah

Wow, I turned on my TiVO late last night and watched another episode of ELI STONE, one of my new favorite TV shows. You can still catch this particular episode on your computer, it's the 4/14/08 episode titled Waiting for That Day. In this episode Eli Stone has a vision that a major earthquake with hit in 3 days during rush hour traffic and destroy the golden gate bridge. He feels his only shot to save 100s, maybe 1000s of lives, is to sue the city to close the bridge at the anticipated time of the quake.

You'll have to see the episode for all that transpires, but here's the major take away...Eli does not take the easy road. He is passionate about his mission and that is to save lives, because if he doesn't speak up, who will? He knows the "truth" and does everything in his power--even compares his message to Jonah and the whale--to get people to listen to him. But he is mocked, ridiculed, humiliated, pitied and ignored. Will anyone ultimately listen to him and be saved?

It makes you think, are we doing enough to share the Truth? So many people WE KNOW personally go on living empty, painful lives. Are we sharing the life giving hope of Jesus? Or are we holding back and letting them die to save face and not look like a fool? Ouch...makes you think doesn't it. Watch the episode. And if you are inspired to make a difference pick up my book How to Talk About Jesus without Freaking Out.

Is it Time to Blow off Your Girlfriends?

Okay, okay, so most of you come to me for help with your love life. We talk about where to find men, how to get them to ask you out and how to get from date one, to two, all the way down the aisle. But lately a recurring theme is coming up in my coaching sessions, emails and fan letters, so it’s time for me to address the ever important area of friendships with other women!

Why are friendships with other women so important?
1. Women, how we love to talk. That is how we are made. And oh how that detail-oriented, non-stop talking can drive our men crazy. No worries. Girlfriends are great for sharing extreme details of our lives and usually they won’t get bored with your stories as quickly as our men.
2. Girlfriends are great for calling after dates so you can exhaust your excitement, prematurely tell them “this guy is the one for me,” and cover every detail of your moments with him. Why do this? Because if you let your new man know how into him you then you will scare him away before he can call you back. Be cool, share that info your girlfriends and keep your man coming back.
3. Girlfriends are our “elevator people”—people who lift us up and encourage us during the daily anxieties of life. If your friends are bringing you down and chipping at your self-esteem, it’s definitely time to move on from those friends and collect some new ones.

Because girlfriend, we were made for relationships! And when our pool of female friends is lacking to say the least, we find ourselves isolated and discouraged. These are the times in our lives when we find we just need more (or new) girlfriends. It could be that we’re still single and all our friends have married off, or we moved to a new place or we are just in a rut, isolated or hanging out with women who are just plain unhealthy for us. What shall you do?

You don’t have to call up your current friends and cause all this conflict. No. Just pull back and cease to call them all the time. While you pull back on time with these friends, step out to make new ones. Finding new friends can be as intimidating as looking for a man to date, especially since your self-esteem may be at an all time low. So here are my tips on developing more girlfriends to get you through your lifetime.

1. Get involved in your church. If you have been at your church “forever” and are in a rut, check out a nearby church and visit there. A great way to expand the quantity of friends is to visit a mega church near you and attend one of their functions (not just the huge church service where you walk in and walk out without meeting anyone.)
2. Go to your city’s website or one near you (all cities have one, just search Google for your community) and check out the upcoming events, get involved in the chamber of commerce or local charity organizations. Most of these events are run by women “in the know” who know lots of other “happening” women in your town.
3. Try out some hobby you’ve been thinking about. You’re bound to meet like-minded girlfriends there.

Wherever you go, make the most of each visit. Take the initiative and introduce yourself to at least two new women each time. Hey, they may be there for the first time too and they’ll be thrilled someone was nice to them and went out of there way to say, “Hi.”

Building lasting friendships involves time and effort and a willingness to give as much as take. It’s an investment well worth every minute. You were made for relationships ladies. And the time is now!

Are Celebrities Using Pregnancy to Nab their Guy?

The trend these days seems to be SINGLE celebrities getting pregnant. Wake Up Celebrities! Pregnancy Does Not Make your Man Commit! I’m not talking about Jamie Lynn Spears—she apparently is a classic example of a “nice teenage girl makes mistake and gets caught.” Instead I’m referring to the many other celebrities who are certainly old enough to know better yet are showing up pregnant from Jessica Alba to Halle Berry, 24’s Mary Lynn Rajsku to Nicole Richie, Matthew McConaughy’s girlfriend Camila to Tom Brady’s now ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan. Then there's Holly Madison, 28 year old girlfriend of Playboy tycoon Hugh Hefner, 81 who is reportedly trying to get pregnant according to Us Magazine. But that should not surprise us since she has willingly been one of at least 3 other girlfriends for years and marriage is one thing Hefner says he won't enter into again...and he's not officially divorced anyway.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, getting pregnant on your man DOES NOT make him faithful and committed. If anything it puts in an element of distrust that could very well last you the length of the relationship. If he marries you, as Scott Baio recently married his long time girlfriend after giving birth to his daughter, you’ll never be sure if he really loves you or was trapped into the marriage, and he’ll never know if you “accidentally” got pregnant or if you tried to trap him. Neither is the ideal way to start off a marriage.

And girls, getting pregnant MAY get you an engagement ring but it does not guarantee he’ll make that final plunge into marriage! Bridget Moynahan was dumped by Patriots quarterback Tom Brady before she delivered. Rumors are already rampant about tension in Jessica Alba’s relationship with Cash Warren. And I’m sure you have as many personal examples as I do of friends who were in the same predicament only to have their relationship crumble when the girl thought it was the only way she could finally catch her man.

No matter how desperate you are to capture this guy you’re in love with—don’t get yourself pregnant to catch him! It just doesn’t work and it is not good for your relationship. If that is the only way to catch your guy, believe me he is not worth catching and even if he marries you, you’ll never really have his heart.

This is not about picking on single moms. Many of my coaching clients are indeed single moms and it is what I learn from them that constantly reiterates how important my message is today because single parenting is a lonely, tough road, NOT because single parents don’t love their kids because they truly do love them. It’s that they are parenting ALONE with no time off and no other support!

Do yourself and your future children a favor, don’t do like the celebrities do and get pregnant—deliberately or accidentally—while you’re dating. That old nursery rhyme had good advice—1st comes love, then comes marriage then comes baby in the baby carriage.

Victorya's on a Blog Tour

Hey ladies, I'm on a blog tour the entire month of February! Below is my calendar as well as the link to each blog. Today I spoke to both author friend Mary DeMuth and a to a group of single moms at Heart Crossings. Check it out. You can also find my calendar on my website mantokeep.com. Click here to read more about a blog tour.

Victorya

The Automatic 2nd Date BLOG TOUR February 2008

1 Seeing You Through / Gail Showalter's Blog
Hosted by: Gail Showalter
Blog: http://seeinguthrough.wordpress.com
2 A Peek at My Bookshelf
Hosted by: Deena Peterson
Blog: http://deenasbooks.blogspot.com/

4 She Plants a Vineyard
Hosted by: Tina Ann Forkner
Blog: http://www.tinaannforkner.blogspot.com/
7 Writing: My Adventure in Words
Hosted by: Ernie Wenk
Blog: http://ernsblog.blogspot.com/
Heart Crossings
Hosted by: Heart Crossings
Blog: http://www.heartcrossings.blogspot.com/

7 Mary DeMuth - Shoutlife Blog
Hosted by: Mary E. DeMuth
Blog: http://www.shoutlife.com/maryedemuth
(Log in to Shoutlife required)

8 Books, Movies and Chinese Food
Hosted by: Deborah Khuanghlawn
Blog: http://books-movies-chinesefood.blogspot.com/

9 The Writing World According to Dwan Abrams
Hosted by: Dwan Abrams
Blog: http://dwanabrams.blogspot.com

11 God Uses Broken Vessels
Hosted by: Angie Breidenbach
Blog: http://godusesbrokenvessels.blogspot.com/
11 F. A. I. T. H. Following.Always.Intently.Trusting.Him.
Hosted by: Angie Breidenbach
Blog: http://writingbyfaith.blogspot.com/

12 His Heart, My Desire
Hosted by: Beverly Dillow
Blog: http://www.hisheartmydesire.blogspot.com/

13 Broken Hearted Girl
Hosted by: MJ Acharya
Blog: http://www.brokenheartedgirl.com/

14 Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating
Hosted by: D.S. White
Blog: http://aijan2.atwc1.com/

17 The Authentic You
Hosted by: Anita C. Lee
Blog: http://www.theauthenticyou.blogspot.com/

19 Sormag Online Tours
Hosted by: LaShaunda Hoffman
Blog: http://sormagtours.blogspot.com

20 A Daisy a Day
Hosted by: Daisy Spencer
Blog: http://giveuadaisyaday.blogspot.com

23 Boomer Babes Rock!
Hosted by: Allison Bottke
Blog: http://www.boomerbabesrock.com/blog/

29 Camy's Loft
Hosted by: Camy Tang
Blog: http://camys-loft.blogspot.com/

10 Years and 27 Dresses

Last night my husband Will and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. Due to health crisis with two close family members we didn’t go on that exotic romantic vacation we both had envisioned for this milestone. Instead we went to a nice Italian restaurant and talked and talked about our courtship, our marriage, our kids and our future. And oh my how we laughed about our different perspectives about various experiences during our now 12 years together including our two years of dating. (FYI I’m still amazed how two people can be in the same place at the same time and see the event in two completely different ways, but that is a different blog for a different day.)

We thanked God for our many, many blessings in spite of the annoyances of any of our difficulties we are currently facing and I left that restaurant knowing why I married Will in the first place…soooooooo glad I held out during my trying single years and didn't settle for anyone less than the man I had dreamed about since childhood--even when I feared I'd never meet anyone else if I let the current boyfriend walk away. And I'm so thankful for all those cute guys who dumped me when I wasn't strong enough to break up with them. Short term pain is so much better than long term suffering. Time and time again, I have learned that the good things in life are indeed worth working for and waiting for. I held out, it paid off and we're still going strong 10 years down the line!


Back to the anniversary...we left the fancy Italian restaurant filled with plenty of warm fuzzies. I then I forced my husband to go to a movie I WANTED TO SEE! After all, it was my anniversary and I didn’t get to go on that anticipated vacation. The least he could do is suffer through a romantic comedy rather than a bloody action adventure… He kept the peace and went along with me to see the film 27 Dresses!

Okay ladies—I just LOVED 27 Dresses! The cast was great and writing was smart and it wasn’t your predictable, typical romantic comedy/wedding movie. Katheryn Heigl is adorable as the people pleaser, blissfully engaged in helping other’s dreams come true. And James Marsden (the Prince from Enchanted) was perfect as the wedding reporter who is smitten by Heigl. And guess what? Even my husband enjoyed the film—it had all the gushy stuff ladies love and enough smart humor for men. In my opinion, it was the perfect date movie, even if you have to drag your date in the door!

Fresh Start for the New Year

I just love New Years. I'm one of those who actually enjoys making New Years resolutions. I mean, why not give yourself motivation to make some much needed changes in your life so you can live the life you always wanted! Let 2008 be the year for YOU...the year you finally care enough to find out what you really want in your life and love and write it down. I was reading several books over the holiday. One terrific book is Henry Cloud's "The Secret Things of God" which takes "The Secret" to whole other level. One of the secrets he reveals is what I see confirmed daily with my clients and that is "You attract relationships that fit you." (pg 101) He goes on to say that if you keep finding yourself with "losers" for lovers and friends then your "people picker" is broke and needs fixin'. That was true with me until I finally looked at what I had been getting and where I wanted to go. That awakening dramatically changed my "people picker" and my husband was the very next man I dated. We're about to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. Want more for the new year? Check out The Secret Things of God. Want a new and fulfilling love life? Check out The Automatic 2nd Date.

Happy New Year.

Victorya Michaels Rogers

Merry Christmas

I hope you have chosen to enjoy this Christmas season, no matter what hardship you may be facing. There is good to be found in every day we are given, even the days we wish would quickly end.

Last week my family got the kind of new you DON'T want to hear from the doctors--especially at Christmastime. We've shed our tears and enlisted our friends and family to pray for healing of my mother-in-law, Patty, (God can do anything). And in the midst of it, we've choose to focus on the reason for the season--the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ who came to save the world. He is big enough to handle our joys and sorrows! And he's big enough to handle yours.

Merry Christmas!

Victorya

The REAL hero of "It's a Wonderful Life"

I just got this email from a friend who is in the midst of devastating divorce. Wow, it made me stop and think so much I thought it was worth sharing with my readers! Have you ever stopped to ponder about who is the REAL hero of the Christmas favorite “It’s a Wonderful Life”? Here’s one man’s view…
“Hey, Victorya:

I just had a thought I needed to vent to someone. I hope you don't mind. I watched "It's a Wonderful Life" with my kids last night. I make them watch it every year. As I was watching the movie, I couldn't help notice that George Bailey is pretty cranky throughout the movie when the pressure of everything gets to him, especially when the money gets lost. My daughter even commented on it. I found myself defending George because I related very well to George and the pressure he felt. I, too, have been cranky when the pressure of my wife’s outrageous behavior and reactions to our financial hardship got to me.
I couldn't help but wonder what a different movie it would have been if Bailey’s wife, Mary, had decided she would be happier with the plastics guy and left George. Instead, she stepped up to the plate and was strong when he was weak. She rallied the troops to begin praying (what ultimately saved his life) and bailed him out by raising the money they needed. She never stopped seeing the fact that he was a good man, even when he wasn't acting that way. I couldn't help but be envious of George and the good and faithful wife that he chose. I realized, perhaps for the first time, that she was just as much the hero of the movie as he was.

Victorya, I don't know if you can use this to inspire women, but I wanted to pass the thoughts along. I hope and pray that the ideal of a Mary Bailey is not simply something movies are made of. There’s got to be more Mary Bailey’s out there?”
Your friend… a discouraged "George Bailey"


So ladies, don’t you want to be a Mary Bailey?” You know, a woman who will rally the troops to pray for your man when the going gets tough? One who steps up and is the strong one when your man is weak? And a woman who focuses on the good inside your man even when he’s so cranky you’d prefer to slap him? I pray that that is how my husband sees me and if I haven’t achieved her yet, may I in 2008!
Victorya Rogers

Why did that Bachelor Dump You?

Okay so I'm overdue on blogging about the finale of this year's BACHELOR on ABC. As any of the fans of the show know, Brad, the bachelor, chose NO ONE. He had narrowed it down to two, then one, then changed his mind and decided to dump both, even though he asked them to fly Deana's Dad out for permission for a proposal. Jenni & Deanna were both left broken hearted, confused and angry. Welcome to the real world of dating.

Actually as disappointing as the ending was to many viewers, this was unfortunately a typical and realistic scenario. You can do everything right in a relationship and still have your heart ripped out of you. In this case, it was not necessarily the fault of the bachelorettes.

Brad's traumatic teen years were revealed on the first episode. At the divorce of his parents, he and his brothers went from popularity, sports and wealth to poverty and feelings of being "outcasts" all during very impressionable years. All three brothers vowed to never be poor again and seem to have proven they were serious as all three are currently millionaires.

But there were obviously deeper pain that has not yet been handled in our bachelor causing Brad to run away from love, most likely because of lack of trust and some fear that the desertion will "happen again". Though Brad's childhood pain was revealed on episode one, it was never eluded to again all season during any of the "dates" with the girls.

What is the lesson? Ladies you have to spend time really getting to know your man and asking a lot of questions and genuinely listening to his answers. Get to know his background. Get to know how he feels about his family and childhood. If there is some deep pain there that has not been dealt with, you are at risk of a major heartbreak because rarely do men stay with the ones who "fix them."

So what are you to do? Absolutely be compassionate! Absolutely care about his pain. But guard you heart! Take any relationship with this man VERY slow. Encourage him to get help and do some research on books to recommend or perhaps even a counselor nearby whom he can go to. Just don't you be his therapist, because chances are you'll get left the minute he's cured and he'll marry the next girl.

On the other hand, if his pain is not dealt with, he will NOT be emotionally open to love you because he can not trust. These often charismatic and charming damaged bachelors are not creeps and manipulators. They are just hurt and incapable of giving love until they've healed. Thus, even though your guy may seem like the greatest guy you've ever met, falling in love with him may take you exactly where Deanna ended up—to the land of the dumped and devastated.

Being Thankful for New Beginnings

Happy Thanksgiving weekend! I hope you had lots of food and time for reflecting and being thankful for the blessings in your life, ESPECIALLY if you are going through a hard time right now. We all have things to be thankful for, no matter how miserable our circumstances.

If your 2007 included a devastating or unexpected loss, be it divorce, death or a breakup, you most likely have plenty of unanswered questions and a mixture of confusion, sadness, anger and guilt. If this was your year thus far, here's some good news. You have been blessed with a new beginning. Whether you wanted to be single again or not, you are. Good is going to eventually come out of your misery. Thank God for the opportunity to start over. Fresh beginnings are exciting, even when they're scary. This is an important season in your life to take care of you and spend time reflecting on what you REALLY want for the rest of your life. What do you dare dream for your future? Now is the time to do so. Write it down, ask God for help and get ready for a new life in 2008.

In my difficult times I have always found a way to lift my spirits when I focus on the blessings in my life and the opportunities that lie ahead for me from my current starting point. I challenge you to write out 10 blessings in your life right now. If you are really ready to lift your spirits, stick with this exercise and write out 100! Yes, I said 100. Everyone can come up with 100 things in their lives they are thankful for. For example, in 10 seconds, here are some of my blessings--God loves me, my kids are awesome and adorable and healthy. I'm healthy. I live in America, I live in a cozy home, I have plenty of food, I have transportation, My heater works in this winter air, I have a wonderful family, I have an adorable dog even tho' he still wets on my floor... Get the point, I just wrote out 10 things off the top of my head that are big or little blessings in my life. You can do this too.

May you realize many hidden blessings in your life this week!

Here's to many blessings in new beginnings, even when they're not unexpected!

The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Woke Me Up

I was flipping the channels on TV the other night and happened upon another reality TV show. This show documented the long process of choosing the 2007-2008 cheerleading squad for the Dallas Cowboy’s football team. This episode was their charm school portion of training. Beautiful young ladies were caught with less than perfect manners from biting off more than they can chew to many other lazy eating habits that we all so easily fall into—especially when we’ve been away from dating for a while.

Okay, even I was humbled! I’ve been comfortably married for 10 years now and my manners are not as perfect as they were when I was trying to impress my then boyfriend. I mean when I was single and actively searching for my man, I cared about how I looked, how I dressed, how I walked and how I ate every bite. While there’s no excuse for us getting lazy, too often we all do.

That is what makes it such a culture shock for ladies who find themselves back in the dating world after the divorce, death or break up of a long term relationship. Thus one of the first things to focus on is your overall outward presentation to the world when you get ready to jump back into the dating world. That includes your table manners, posture, clothing, hairstyle, make-up and even the articulation of the words you speak (i.e. “yes” instead of “yea”).

Here’s a fun gift idea for yourself this holiday season—why don’t you grab a friend and sign up for a local charm school. Or maybe even a new hairstyle or clothing makeover. We all deserve a little pampering.

Another way to freshen up your charm is to people watch. Notice how obvious single women act around single men. Are they more aware of their manners and attractiveness than women you see sitting with their husbands? What else do you observe? Not all the single gals will act how you prefer to act. Some will embarrass themselves with being way too provocative which only gains them a potential one night stand and little else. But what you will notice, overall, is that they care about how they present themselves. And that is something we can all work on.

This Thanksgiving be thankful for God giving you a fresh start and have fun reinventing your charming self. You and the world around you will be blessed.

Your Next Date may be just a Friend Away

Who in your social circle has access to the highly sought after? Who hangs around fascinating people? Who has a unique career or ministry where single men may be found? Who loves to meddle in other people’s affairs? You won’t know who may be willing to get involved unless you ask! (Page 91, The Automatic 2nd Date)

So often I hear single women say they just can't find dates and yet they don't ask their friends to set them up! Trust me, people just love to get involved in other people's business. Just give them permission to get involved in yours! Ask your friends if they know anyone right for you. You just never know who THEY know.

For more details on exactly how to get your friends, acquaintances, co-workers, neighbors and family involved in your love life, pick up a copy of The Automatic 2nd Date.

The Ultimate Gift for the Whole Family

Do you need a little wake up call about the meaning of life? Are you looking for a movie that pulls you in and makes you stop and think yet entertains you with laughter and tears at the same time? If the answer is yes, then pick up this pleasant surprise of a movie. The premise of The Ultimate Gift (based on Jim Stovall's book by the same title) is a snotty rich kids expects to inherit millions from his Grandfather to continue with his limitless cashflow of a life he's lived thus far. Boy is he in for a surprise. The film begins with a billionaire's death. His more than superficous, obnoxious relatives all come in for the reading of the will. Of course, no one is pleased with the reading. The main character, grandson, Jason Stevens, is no exception. The billionaire, aptly played by James Garner, has left Jason a peculiar gift. A series of gifts actually, via video tape and delivered through his longtime lawyer and friend Ted Hamilton, played by Bill Cobbs. Jason Stevens must successfully complete all requirements of each "test" to get each gift, without knowing what he gets each time he is successful and always with the threat that if he blows it, everything is lost. Jason's world is literally turned upside down with each new gift as everything is literally taken away from him--his money, his friends, his car, his home, his dignity and even his freedom. Not since The Christmas Carol, has a story successfully engaged its viewers in such a journey. Screenwriting newcomer Cheryl McKay does a beautiful job adapting Jim Stovall's brilliant tale. An enhancement to the already great book was McKay's expansion of the "one true friend" little girl character Emily, played by Abigail Breslin. In the film version of Ultimate Gift, Emily is a major storyline which worked well for the big screen. Certainly director Michael Sajbel deserves credit and mention for the well done adaptation as well. I thoroughly enjoyed the casting as well, especially James Garner, Bill Cobbs and Lee Meriwether. If you've ever been spoiled, taken your life for granted, felt broke, been disenchanted about your life, been unappreciative, or just had one of those days, grab a tissue and watch The Ultimate Gift. You'll get your life back into perspective.

Brad Pitt, God and Ego

Brad Pitt discussed his view of religion and God last week in Parade magazine. He basically said he thinks religion is fine for a crutch to comfort you for any little crisis you may face but he “didn't understand this idea of a God who says, 'You have to acknowledge me. You have to say that I'm the best, and then I'll give you eternal happiness. If you won't, then you don't get it!' It seemed to be about ego. I can't see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me.”

Here's my rebuttal, as I'll address both sides of Brad Pitt's view of God and religion. First, about religion being a crutch, to some people that would be a correct analysis. There are many elements of religion that can be considered a crutch--sympton relief as I would call it. And symptom relief is an epidemic today. Symptom relief is sought in religion, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, relationships, anti-depresants, affairs, careers, fame, movies, money, distractions, busy-ness, really ANYTHING that distracts you from thinking about your problems, sadness or emptiness at any given time is symptom relief or "a crutch." So many people are so empty inside that they are pursuing anything and everything to fill this huge void they feel inside and nothing satisfies--not money, not fame, not anything, except a relationship with Jesus.

I get the whole disappointment with religion view. But there is a difference between religion and a relationship with Jesus. A personal relationship with Jesus is far from a crutch. He is real and does indeed give you true meaning. To know that you were actually created deliberately and for a purpose is quite awe inspiring. Just read Psalm 139 (right in the middle of the Bible if you were to drop it).. Every single day of our life was known by God before we lived one of them. God loves us, regardless of the love of our parents. Read the book of John (4th little book in the New Testament about ¾ the way through the Bible. There’s man-made religion and then there’s God, who created the world and sent Jesus to save us from the mess we’ve made of our lives. That’s not a crutch, that’s a solution.

Okay, now for Brad Pitt's other view about God and ego when he said “I didn't understand this idea of a God who says, 'You have to acknowledge me. You have to say that I'm the best, and then I'll give you eternal happiness. If you won't, then you don't get it!' It seemed to be about ego. I can't see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me.”

First, I find this humorous coming from a celebrity, when Pitt himself admitted he pursued acting for fame. You pursue fame for ego. I’m not judging that as bad. I’m just making a point.

When I (Victorya) was a little girl I had a vivid imagination, especially when playing with my Barbie dolls. I remember one time I was trying to understand God when I actually pondered this very topic that Brad Pitt talked about and I came to a complete different conclusion. I was thinking about how much fun I was having creating this whole little world for my Barbie, Ken and Skipper dolls (I mean I had the camper, the house, the pool and the whole bit) and I started thinking—“Hey I’m doing this all so they can have a really great time and be really comfortable, and live happily ever after.” Then I thought, “What if they started making fun of me and giving credit to someone else for what I did for them and not appreciating anything I did for them. In fact instead, they complained all the time that they wanted more and they hated me and pretended I didn’t exist….hmmm, I would just stop playing with them. In fact, I’d get rid of my dolls and have nothing more to do with them, so there.”

This was the thought of me as an 8 year old girl, but I still remember it. And I wasn’t thinking that was because my ego was bruised. I was thinking about God and how we treat him. I was thinking “Wow, if God really created us and we all keep treated Him the way we do and talking bad about Him and not appreciating Him and we keep giving any and everyone ELSE the credit, it is amazing that God just hasn’t blown us all up yet, because we deserve it. That is amazing love that He gives us with all these 2nd chances when we don’t deserve it. And to think He sent Jesus, His only son to DIE for us when we were making fun of Him. That is crazy love. But the Bible says God did exactly that. That is far from ego. That’s giving undeserved love, also known as grace, and something I am honored to receive. Anyone who asks Jesus to come in and live in them will be welcomed home just like me. That well known verse John 3:16 and the one that follows it John 3:17 tells it all—For God loved us so much that he sent his son to die for us and if he believe in him, we’ll be His. Then He clarified that He didn’t send Jesus from some ego or to destroy or condemn us but to save us from ourselves.

Forget religion, crutches or other symptom relief. If you have an emptiness inside, get to know Jesus. He promises to save you.

YOU Can Get an Automatic 2nd Date!

Today is the day. The Automatic 2nd Date hit bookstores everywhere. Check it out and tell your friends. Now you will know everything to do and say on a first date to guarantee a second. PLUS there are many pages on where to FIND your next date and how to flirt with him to compel him to walk right on over and ask you out!

 

Victorya Rogers

The Automatic 2nd Date

 

Back in the Dating Game after Divorce?

Perhaps the most confusing, insecure and scary time to date is right after the dust has settled on a divorce. I mean, what do you do? You've been married for so long and many of you have not been on a date in decades--yikes! What do you do? I was recently asked these very questions by MSN and Match.com. Here's the article and my answers How to Ace First Dates. Hint--hold back, don't tell him all about your horrible ex and whatever you do, don't put out!

Victorya Michaels Rogers
The Automatic 2nd Date (comes out TOMORROW, October 17

Don't Go BROKE Breaking Up

You don't have to lose EVERYTHING when you break up! You can still walk away with at least your bank account and assets if you know what you are doing. The sad reality is that most couples who break up DON'T know how to protect their money and they're too angry with each other that they just don't care at the very time in their life they REALLY need to care.

Many of you reading my blogs are in the middle of a divorce right now. Having walked alongside several friends during some very ugly divorces, what I have witnessed as the messiest side of divorce is the money lost! Lawyers get rich and you go broke. USA TODAY has a great article offering guidance to people in the exact position you are in today. Click on this link and read the entire article so you don't GO BROKE while you're breaking up!

Victorya Michaels Rogers

Exactly WHY We Blow Our Love Life

Wow, I’ve continued to get emails from my July blog about the girls on Bret Michaels dating show Rock of Love. This partial email from Cassie, one of my active readers, sums up those sympathetic to Bret Michaels contestants:

Cassie said, “Don’t you understand why we make the bad decisions we make in relationships? Does love really matter? All love has brought me was a continual test of forgiveness and misery. I have a place inside that is so longing for stability and a different path so much that you question your values and what you really are as far as self respect. I don’t feel desperate but the idea of a different future is enough to make anyone coming out of a bad relationship long for a quick fix like a man with money and status, regardless of whether we get along or if there is a future of companionship and a peaceful environment.”

My response to all the hurting women who find themselves in the same place as Cassie or the Bret Michaels girls (and I KNOW that is a lot of you) is that Yes! I understand why you do what you do. That is why I do what I do—write books and advice columns and coach many of you individually. Because you want one thing and your actions are bringing you something else. I want to shake you and wake you up so you CAN get what you really want. Yes you hurt. Yes you feel like love “sucks” and your self-esteem is in the toilet. But, for starters, if you would only write out your feelings as Cassie did above and then READ IT BACK to yourself out loud so you can see how self destructive you are being and how much of a vicious circle you are choosing to remain in.

Note that Cassie said basically “I want a man with money to solve all my problems and I don’t care if I like him, he likes me, or if there is any future.”

Well yes, you do care, if not now, you will soon enough. And you will reconfirm how love “sucks” as soon as he rips your heart out because he will not make your dreams come true. He will only disappoint. If you are fed up with love, I say you are in a great place. Give it up for now and work on YOU. Stop the madness. Stop rushing towards a quick fix (which doesn’t work) and work on YOU and fall in love with YOU and find out what your dreams really are and pursue them. It is far better to live the life of your dreams alone than keep run from them with person after person who lets you down. And guess what? When you actively pursue the life you really want to live, a better companion for you will appear. And if he doesn’t you will be so content alone, you will be just fine with that!

John Lennon, Owen Wilson and August

John Lennon once said “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” So true, way too often, for most of us. We need occasional wake-up calls to remind us of why we are here and to inspire those unsure to find out. It’s just that the wake-up calls are rarely welcome. For much of Hollywood last week it was the attempted suicide of Owen Wilson, a popular movie star who seemed to have the world at his feet. If someone with everything is despondent…

Overall August was a tough month. One of my readers’ fiancé was tragically killed in a car accident just 10 miles from my house; a precious young mom with 3 kids lost her battle with cancer at just 36; I lost my Grandpa after 5 years living with Alzheimer, my niece lost her Grandpa, the beloved Pastor from my youth. And lastly a very close family friend’s cancer returned and now she’s back in the midst of intense chemo.

The other night I watched the new DVD “The Ultimate Gift”. It was a great book and well done adaptation to a movie. It’s worth renting, by the way. The thought provoking film got me thinking about priorities, how much we take for granted and how spoiled we Americans truly are…

Then last night I pondered “What would I REALLY do today if right now, at this moment, I had no guarantee I’d live until Christmas just 3 months away. Sure I’ve thought about that whenever I’d heard last year’s number one hit “Live Like You Were Dying” by Tim McGraw. But it really pierced me last night as I prayed for my dear friend Johnnie who goes to chemo today.

Death can come anywhere, anytime to anyone. And that includes each of us. None of us has a guarantee of Christmas this year. We don’t even have a guarantee we’ll make it until dinner tonight. So I’m writing today’s blog in honor of Johnnie. Will you allow God to use her pain today as a gift of life for you? If what that famous Beatle said is true and life really is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, then what does your life reveal? Are you living like you want or missing out because of distractions and plans and fear you won’t get what you want so you hold on so tight to “whatever” that you don’t open your eyes to the life right in front of you?

Let go and forgive someone you’ve wasted energy withholding forgiveness from; take the first step toward that dream you’ve placed on hold for whatever valid excuse; call that friend you’ve put off calling; tell your family you love them, hey, and ask God why you’re here. He promises an answer if you’d only ask.

Scott Baio, Johnny V and Your Friends

I promised to blog more about Scott Baio's show. One more episode left. Will he propose or walk away from his longtime girlfriend?

For any of you who have seen even one episode of VH'1's reality show Scott Baio is 45 and Single, I'm sure it didn't take you long to realize he has a toxic friendship with Johnny V, a buddy since his teens. Clearly Johnny's own words and actions make it clear that he is using Scott merely for hook-ups with women and has no apparent capacity to care about Scott's needs or best interests. Needless to say, Johnny V is extremely threatened by the possibility of Scott growing up and giving up his womanizing ways because that will leave Johnny without Scott and thus dateless. Sadly, Johnny V does everything he can to sabotage Scott's attempts at turning his life around. Not only did he make a large bet that Scott would fail to remain celibate for the six weeks, he also constantly and shamelessly threw other women into Scott face to lure him into failure. Johnny V is not a true friend. Hopefully after watching the footage of the show Scott will see his friend for who he is. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see what has been happening right in front of you.

This blog isn't just about Scott Baio. It is about you. Is there a friend in YOUR life who is not really your friend? Perhaps you've had this friend in your life for years and years and she is always pulling you down, influencing you to do what you know not to do or don't want to do, yet you go along just because. Ed Young Jr. did an entire series last year entitled "I Had These Friends." What a powerful message it was! He encouraged us all to think back over our lives and trouble we've gotten into (and we've all done SOMETHING wrong in our lives). Most likely it can be traced back to the influence of a friend you chose to hang with, even when you knew better. Talk to ex-cons (I have) and they will tell you the same excuse… "I had these friends".

Is there someone in your life who pretends to care about you, yet deep down you always feel bad about yourself when she is around? Does she criticize, discourage or sabotage most every move or effort you make toward change? Maybe it is time for you to do what Scott Baio finally did, and cut your ties with this friend. Sure it will hurt. This is real life and deep feelings are involved, especially if it is a long term relationship. But if your friend truly is toxic for you, your life without her is exactly what you need to achieve the life you were meant to live!


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