EarthQuakes, Eli Stone and Jonah

Wow, I turned on my TiVO late last night and watched another episode of ELI STONE, one of my new favorite TV shows. You can still catch this particular episode on your computer, it's the 4/14/08 episode titled Waiting for That Day. In this episode Eli Stone has a vision that a major earthquake with hit in 3 days during rush hour traffic and destroy the golden gate bridge. He feels his only shot to save 100s, maybe 1000s of lives, is to sue the city to close the bridge at the anticipated time of the quake.

You'll have to see the episode for all that transpires, but here's the major take away...Eli does not take the easy road. He is passionate about his mission and that is to save lives, because if he doesn't speak up, who will? He knows the "truth" and does everything in his power--even compares his message to Jonah and the whale--to get people to listen to him. But he is mocked, ridiculed, humiliated, pitied and ignored. Will anyone ultimately listen to him and be saved?

It makes you think, are we doing enough to share the Truth? So many people WE KNOW personally go on living empty, painful lives. Are we sharing the life giving hope of Jesus? Or are we holding back and letting them die to save face and not look like a fool? Ouch...makes you think doesn't it. Watch the episode. And if you are inspired to make a difference pick up my book How to Talk About Jesus without Freaking Out.

Is it Time to Blow off Your Girlfriends?

Okay, okay, so most of you come to me for help with your love life. We talk about where to find men, how to get them to ask you out and how to get from date one, to two, all the way down the aisle. But lately a recurring theme is coming up in my coaching sessions, emails and fan letters, so it’s time for me to address the ever important area of friendships with other women!

Why are friendships with other women so important?
1. Women, how we love to talk. That is how we are made. And oh how that detail-oriented, non-stop talking can drive our men crazy. No worries. Girlfriends are great for sharing extreme details of our lives and usually they won’t get bored with your stories as quickly as our men.
2. Girlfriends are great for calling after dates so you can exhaust your excitement, prematurely tell them “this guy is the one for me,” and cover every detail of your moments with him. Why do this? Because if you let your new man know how into him you then you will scare him away before he can call you back. Be cool, share that info your girlfriends and keep your man coming back.
3. Girlfriends are our “elevator people”—people who lift us up and encourage us during the daily anxieties of life. If your friends are bringing you down and chipping at your self-esteem, it’s definitely time to move on from those friends and collect some new ones.

Because girlfriend, we were made for relationships! And when our pool of female friends is lacking to say the least, we find ourselves isolated and discouraged. These are the times in our lives when we find we just need more (or new) girlfriends. It could be that we’re still single and all our friends have married off, or we moved to a new place or we are just in a rut, isolated or hanging out with women who are just plain unhealthy for us. What shall you do?

You don’t have to call up your current friends and cause all this conflict. No. Just pull back and cease to call them all the time. While you pull back on time with these friends, step out to make new ones. Finding new friends can be as intimidating as looking for a man to date, especially since your self-esteem may be at an all time low. So here are my tips on developing more girlfriends to get you through your lifetime.

1. Get involved in your church. If you have been at your church “forever” and are in a rut, check out a nearby church and visit there. A great way to expand the quantity of friends is to visit a mega church near you and attend one of their functions (not just the huge church service where you walk in and walk out without meeting anyone.)
2. Go to your city’s website or one near you (all cities have one, just search Google for your community) and check out the upcoming events, get involved in the chamber of commerce or local charity organizations. Most of these events are run by women “in the know” who know lots of other “happening” women in your town.
3. Try out some hobby you’ve been thinking about. You’re bound to meet like-minded girlfriends there.

Wherever you go, make the most of each visit. Take the initiative and introduce yourself to at least two new women each time. Hey, they may be there for the first time too and they’ll be thrilled someone was nice to them and went out of there way to say, “Hi.”

Building lasting friendships involves time and effort and a willingness to give as much as take. It’s an investment well worth every minute. You were made for relationships ladies. And the time is now!

Are Celebrities Using Pregnancy to Nab their Guy?

The trend these days seems to be SINGLE celebrities getting pregnant. Wake Up Celebrities! Pregnancy Does Not Make your Man Commit! I’m not talking about Jamie Lynn Spears—she apparently is a classic example of a “nice teenage girl makes mistake and gets caught.” Instead I’m referring to the many other celebrities who are certainly old enough to know better yet are showing up pregnant from Jessica Alba to Halle Berry, 24’s Mary Lynn Rajsku to Nicole Richie, Matthew McConaughy’s girlfriend Camila to Tom Brady’s now ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan. Then there's Holly Madison, 28 year old girlfriend of Playboy tycoon Hugh Hefner, 81 who is reportedly trying to get pregnant according to Us Magazine. But that should not surprise us since she has willingly been one of at least 3 other girlfriends for years and marriage is one thing Hefner says he won't enter into again...and he's not officially divorced anyway.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, getting pregnant on your man DOES NOT make him faithful and committed. If anything it puts in an element of distrust that could very well last you the length of the relationship. If he marries you, as Scott Baio recently married his long time girlfriend after giving birth to his daughter, you’ll never be sure if he really loves you or was trapped into the marriage, and he’ll never know if you “accidentally” got pregnant or if you tried to trap him. Neither is the ideal way to start off a marriage.

And girls, getting pregnant MAY get you an engagement ring but it does not guarantee he’ll make that final plunge into marriage! Bridget Moynahan was dumped by Patriots quarterback Tom Brady before she delivered. Rumors are already rampant about tension in Jessica Alba’s relationship with Cash Warren. And I’m sure you have as many personal examples as I do of friends who were in the same predicament only to have their relationship crumble when the girl thought it was the only way she could finally catch her man.

No matter how desperate you are to capture this guy you’re in love with—don’t get yourself pregnant to catch him! It just doesn’t work and it is not good for your relationship. If that is the only way to catch your guy, believe me he is not worth catching and even if he marries you, you’ll never really have his heart.

This is not about picking on single moms. Many of my coaching clients are indeed single moms and it is what I learn from them that constantly reiterates how important my message is today because single parenting is a lonely, tough road, NOT because single parents don’t love their kids because they truly do love them. It’s that they are parenting ALONE with no time off and no other support!

Do yourself and your future children a favor, don’t do like the celebrities do and get pregnant—deliberately or accidentally—while you’re dating. That old nursery rhyme had good advice—1st comes love, then comes marriage then comes baby in the baby carriage.

Victorya's on a Blog Tour

Hey ladies, I'm on a blog tour the entire month of February! Below is my calendar as well as the link to each blog. Today I spoke to both author friend Mary DeMuth and a to a group of single moms at Heart Crossings. Check it out. You can also find my calendar on my website mantokeep.com. Click here to read more about a blog tour.

Victorya

The Automatic 2nd Date BLOG TOUR February 2008

1 Seeing You Through / Gail Showalter's Blog
Hosted by: Gail Showalter
Blog: http://seeinguthrough.wordpress.com
2 A Peek at My Bookshelf
Hosted by: Deena Peterson
Blog: http://deenasbooks.blogspot.com/

4 She Plants a Vineyard
Hosted by: Tina Ann Forkner
Blog: http://www.tinaannforkner.blogspot.com/
7 Writing: My Adventure in Words
Hosted by: Ernie Wenk
Blog: http://ernsblog.blogspot.com/
Heart Crossings
Hosted by: Heart Crossings
Blog: http://www.heartcrossings.blogspot.com/

7 Mary DeMuth - Shoutlife Blog
Hosted by: Mary E. DeMuth
Blog: http://www.shoutlife.com/maryedemuth
(Log in to Shoutlife required)

8 Books, Movies and Chinese Food
Hosted by: Deborah Khuanghlawn
Blog: http://books-movies-chinesefood.blogspot.com/

9 The Writing World According to Dwan Abrams
Hosted by: Dwan Abrams
Blog: http://dwanabrams.blogspot.com

11 God Uses Broken Vessels
Hosted by: Angie Breidenbach
Blog: http://godusesbrokenvessels.blogspot.com/
11 F. A. I. T. H. Following.Always.Intently.Trusting.Him.
Hosted by: Angie Breidenbach
Blog: http://writingbyfaith.blogspot.com/

12 His Heart, My Desire
Hosted by: Beverly Dillow
Blog: http://www.hisheartmydesire.blogspot.com/

13 Broken Hearted Girl
Hosted by: MJ Acharya
Blog: http://www.brokenheartedgirl.com/

14 Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating
Hosted by: D.S. White
Blog: http://aijan2.atwc1.com/

17 The Authentic You
Hosted by: Anita C. Lee
Blog: http://www.theauthenticyou.blogspot.com/

19 Sormag Online Tours
Hosted by: LaShaunda Hoffman
Blog: http://sormagtours.blogspot.com

20 A Daisy a Day
Hosted by: Daisy Spencer
Blog: http://giveuadaisyaday.blogspot.com

23 Boomer Babes Rock!
Hosted by: Allison Bottke
Blog: http://www.boomerbabesrock.com/blog/

29 Camy's Loft
Hosted by: Camy Tang
Blog: http://camys-loft.blogspot.com/

10 Years and 27 Dresses

Last night my husband Will and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary. Due to health crisis with two close family members we didn’t go on that exotic romantic vacation we both had envisioned for this milestone. Instead we went to a nice Italian restaurant and talked and talked about our courtship, our marriage, our kids and our future. And oh my how we laughed about our different perspectives about various experiences during our now 12 years together including our two years of dating. (FYI I’m still amazed how two people can be in the same place at the same time and see the event in two completely different ways, but that is a different blog for a different day.)

We thanked God for our many, many blessings in spite of the annoyances of any of our difficulties we are currently facing and I left that restaurant knowing why I married Will in the first place…soooooooo glad I held out during my trying single years and didn't settle for anyone less than the man I had dreamed about since childhood--even when I feared I'd never meet anyone else if I let the current boyfriend walk away. And I'm so thankful for all those cute guys who dumped me when I wasn't strong enough to break up with them. Short term pain is so much better than long term suffering. Time and time again, I have learned that the good things in life are indeed worth working for and waiting for. I held out, it paid off and we're still going strong 10 years down the line!


Back to the anniversary...we left the fancy Italian restaurant filled with plenty of warm fuzzies. I then I forced my husband to go to a movie I WANTED TO SEE! After all, it was my anniversary and I didn’t get to go on that anticipated vacation. The least he could do is suffer through a romantic comedy rather than a bloody action adventure… He kept the peace and went along with me to see the film 27 Dresses!

Okay ladies—I just LOVED 27 Dresses! The cast was great and writing was smart and it wasn’t your predictable, typical romantic comedy/wedding movie. Katheryn Heigl is adorable as the people pleaser, blissfully engaged in helping other’s dreams come true. And James Marsden (the Prince from Enchanted) was perfect as the wedding reporter who is smitten by Heigl. And guess what? Even my husband enjoyed the film—it had all the gushy stuff ladies love and enough smart humor for men. In my opinion, it was the perfect date movie, even if you have to drag your date in the door!

Fresh Start for the New Year

I just love New Years. I'm one of those who actually enjoys making New Years resolutions. I mean, why not give yourself motivation to make some much needed changes in your life so you can live the life you always wanted! Let 2008 be the year for YOU...the year you finally care enough to find out what you really want in your life and love and write it down. I was reading several books over the holiday. One terrific book is Henry Cloud's "The Secret Things of God" which takes "The Secret" to whole other level. One of the secrets he reveals is what I see confirmed daily with my clients and that is "You attract relationships that fit you." (pg 101) He goes on to say that if you keep finding yourself with "losers" for lovers and friends then your "people picker" is broke and needs fixin'. That was true with me until I finally looked at what I had been getting and where I wanted to go. That awakening dramatically changed my "people picker" and my husband was the very next man I dated. We're about to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. Want more for the new year? Check out The Secret Things of God. Want a new and fulfilling love life? Check out The Automatic 2nd Date.

Happy New Year.

Victorya Michaels Rogers