I Can't Believe I Said That!

Have you ever felt like you said the wrong thing at the wrong time? You know, in the height of emotions you went for the jugular and said what you knew better than to say it...

To cheer you this Christmas season, I thought I'd let you see some of the top CEOs blunders when they had... um...a lack of self-control. Some times it feels good to know we are not alone in our mistakes and sometimes people blow it MUCH worse than we do. As we heard pastor Craig Groeschel say when he was visiting our church this weekend-- "Bless their heart." Click here to read the Newsweek article.

It not what you do WRONG that counts. We all make mistakes, believe me. Rather, it's what we do AFTER our blunder. Being humble, asking forgiveness and doing the next right thing is what shows your true character. And frankly it helps a lot when you turn to God to help you through your mistakes.

Love & Other Drugs..Hit or Miss?

LOVE & OTHER DRUGS, the Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway starring film, is an unconventional love story set during the introduction of Viagra into the marketplace, loosely based on the book HARD SELL by Pziser’s then #1 salesman Jamie Reidy. 

The seemingly perfect set up for a see-it-over-and-over-again romantic comedy, LOVE & OTHER DRUGS revolves around a handsome, ladies-man sales superstar (Gyllenhaal) falling for a jaded, seen-it-all pretty girl (Hathaway), with a major twist -- she’s sick and pushes everyone away because she’s convinced no one will stay (So why bother with false hope? She reasons). 

Here’s where I’m conflicted on my love/hate for this movie. What I liked was the emotional roller coaster of the main characters, that two lost people manage to find each other, the realistic life choices they wrestled, with and the heartwarming sensitivity to the the plight of sufferers of Parkinson’s disease. So yes, the set up, story line, and much of the film was intriguing, including a stellar cast and an award worthy performance from Anne Hathaway.

What I didn’t like was the excessive, squirm in your seats, gratuitous sex and over the top choices made by seasoned director Ed Zwick (Glory, Defiance, Legands of the Fall), leaving the audience noticeably uncomfortable on at least three occasions. Scene after scene of impulsive, aggressive, explicit sex filled much of the air-time of an otherwise well written, thought-provoking film. Here’s the deal Hollywood, I know longtime “good girl” actresses like to breakout of their stereotypes and do an “edgy role,” but America really doesn’t want to see their sweethearts naked--not Julia Roberts, not Julie Andrews, and not Anne Hathaway. 

In my one-on-one interview with the director Zwick defended his choices of excessiveness saying it would cheapen the storyline if he had his stars “pull up the sheets and cover up.” And he feels there is “nothing wrong with nudity--it’s beautiful.” 

Seriously? give me a break. Sure, the body is beautiful. But personally, I don’t want to see my boss, my friends, my family... really anyone in my life naked, other than my husband. 

As a relationship coach who has literally seen it all, the way the main characters go about finding each other is clearly NOT how lasting love is ever found. Zwick claims he was simply reflecting the way Twenty-Somethings find love these days with repeated promiscuous sex until they get it right and a relationship stick. Don’t get me wrong, promiscuity happens every day, but lasting love is not what follows those encounters. Instead broken lives become filled with more emptiness.

If you’re intrigued to see what the pharmaceutical world is like behind the scenes, with romance thrown in, see this film. But this is not director Edward Zwick’s typical masterpieces where you’ll find yourself seeing it at the theatre multiple times then rush to pick up the DVD on the day of its release. It easily could have been if there had been a few different directorial choices. The end result? A film to see once then move on to the next film. 

Does it REALLY Matter if We Eat Dinner Together?

I had so many “memorable” experiences during my 16 years in Hollywood that will continue to fill the pages of my books. As I was filming the announcements for this month’s First Friday I was reminded of one of my appointments with a married celebrity Facialist who ranted to me, the single gal, about how I better never marry a “controlling man who expects you to cook for him because this is the 1990s” she said, (yes this was a while ago) “And self respecting women just don’t do that anymore.”

I believed she had a little baggage, but I was also saddened because I was still single and had visions of an ideal married life with romantic home cooked dinners prepared by me for my eventual perfect husband and children. Okay so reality does not always turn out like fairy tales (especially 13 years into marriage and I’m still not the best cook) BUT I still disagree with my long ago Facialist. That is why I loved two books by Devi Titus--The Home Experience and The Table--both written to help women use what is in their control to create a fabulous home life and enhance their relationships.

Here are just three of the many gems Devi Titus taught me about improving relationships around my kitchen table:

Eat Together: Pick one meal a day when your household comes together for a meal to focus and connect face to face. With today’s hectic lives, it may not be possible every single day at home -- but it’s so worth the effort.

Have Your Say: When you dine together, ask everyone to share something about their day and compel everyone to actually listen. You’ll be amazed how much is revealed that otherwise would be left unsaid. And self esteem is always raised when one feels heard.

Celebrate Together: Have something special as a couple or family that you do on special occasions. Devi gives various simple ideas for this from a special dinner plate to allowing honorees the choice of menu, switching off cooks to having theme nights like girls night, Dad’s night, and many more.

You hear Devi Titus live and in person on the 3rd Thursday of each month now through June in Colleyville, TX as she shares her 10 Smart Choices a Woman can Make to Change her Life" at Third Thursdays,

Yes, you can improve relationships around a table. These 3 simple things revolving around your kitchen table are worth adapting to your busy home life--just eat together, have your say and celebrate--and your family relationships will grow stronger every day. 

Are you Between a Rock and a Hard Place?

 I don't know about you, but plenty of times I have found myself in that miserable, overwhelming, could-not-catch-my-breath moments of being "between a rock and a hard place." Just this morning I was in another one of those spots where I had to humble myself, beg grace and see what happens next. That is one of the reasons I gobble up anything my friend and mentor Carol Kent writes and her brand new release is exactly what I needed this very morning and can touch you as well. No matter what heartbreak, disappointment or crisis you face, this book can touch your heart and offer you hope. Here's an interview with Carol about her latest book of inspiration.

 Between a Rock and a Grace Place

Tell us about the Christmas gift you received. How did it help you to find grace in the middle of a seemingly hopeless situation?

Two weeks before Christmas our doorbell rang at 9:15 p.m. It was dark outside and by the time my husband, Gene, joined me at the front door, we were surprised to find no one there. It was already dark, but my eyes fell on a large, exquisitely wrapped gift. The card on top said, “Mom.” Initially, it felt like a bad joke. Nine years earlier our son, a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy had been arrested for murdering his wife’s first husband and he was in prison serving a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence.

However, I am a “Mom” and the package was left on my doorstep, so I opened it. The note appeared to be in my son’s unique handwriting. The note expressed his deep love for me and his gratefulness for what I had done to help him since his arrest. He said a “friend” had helped him deliver the surprise. Opening the box, I discovered a gorgeous russet-colored silk jacket—and it fit me perfectly.

That night I discovered something new about God and something I had forgotten about myself. He loves to interject divine surprises into our lives. His timing is always perfect, but it had been a while since I had been surprised by joy, wonder, and grace in the middle of one of the tight spots of life.

What are “grace places,” and how can hurting people in need find them?

All of us experience tight spots when life turns out differently from our dream. When we face the overwhelming obstacles of life, we can experience the last thing we ever expect—the sweet spot of grace. Grace places have a variety of forms, but some include:

• Receiving love when we don’t deserve it
• Finding safety in the middle of a fearful and uncertain experience
• Being comforted by friends and family (people who are extensions of God’s love)
• Experiencing the embrace of God when we have run out of strength and courage

“Grace means the free, unmerited, unexpected love of God, and all the benefits, delights, and comforts which flow from it.” (R.P.C. Hanson)

How important are contentment and gratitude in finding grace and peace?

My son, Jason, is teaching me that I need to choose contentment and thanksgiving in all things. As an inmate in a maximum-security prison, all of his personal items must fit in one small one-foot-high and one-and a half-feet-deep and two-and-a half feet long steel lockbox. He has learned to live comfortably with very little, which brings him a surprising sense of peace.

When I was visiting him one weekend I asked how he holds on to hope in the middle of a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence. He said, “Mom, I have a gratitude list. Whenever the clouds of depression try to discouragement, I get out a piece of paper and write down everything I have to be thankful for. I’m thankful I have two parents who will be my advocates for as long as they live. The average number of years a lifer gets visits is five years and then no one comes anymore. I’m also thankful I can be a missionary on a compound that houses up to 1,700 men.” I’m learning from Jason that I find contentment when I choose to be thankful and when I invest my time in helping other people.

What are some unexpected gestures of kindness you’ve received in the past, and how did they help you through difficult times?

A couple of years ago Jason’s appendix ruptured and he was rushed from the prison to a civilian hospital. Gene and I were not allowed to know where he was and I prayed for someone to care for him as a mother would. He had two armed guards in his room at all times. Nurse Betty was assigned to Jason’s care. She treated him with respect and extraordinary care—and I knew she was a direct answer to my prayers.

A group of people who called themselves our “Stretcher Bearers” received an e-mailed monthly update on how to help with our needs. We were blessed with meals, cards, and financial gifts, often just before we needed extra funds for the next legal payment. These amazing people waited with us for two and a half years through seven postponements of the trial.

How has your definition of adventure changed over the years, and why is it important to retain adventure in your life, despite your situation?

True adventure is seeing the potential of living for things that matter in the middle of your current circumstances. We had the adventure of launching a nonprofit organization that helps to empower our son to facilitate classes by having books and DVD teaching series sent to the prison. We also have the adventure of reaching out to other people who are in crisis, which brings purpose and deep meaning to our lives.

There is a theme of surprise throughout the book. What is one of the greatest surprises you’ve had?

The powerful story of Tammy Wilson and Matthew Ben Rodriguez is in this book. Tammy contacted me after I spoke at an event she attended because my son is incarcerated in the same prison where Matt, the man who killed her mother thirteen years ago is incarcerated. She had been praying for someone to lead Matt to Christ and asked if Jason would try to meet him. It turned out that Jason and Matt were already friends and this amazing story is one of forgiveness, redemption, and restoration that can only be explained in the supernatural dimension.

Between a Rock and a Grace Place releases 10 years after your son, Jason, was sentenced to life in a maximum security prison and includes excerpts from Jason’s letters. Can you tell us how he’s doing now?

He has just taken his 8th group of men through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University Course and he will be facilitating a biblical counseling class on marriage and family this fall. He has a prayer group of twelve inmates who fast and pray for the needs of each other and their families. Prison is a depressing, dark, and sad place, but Jason is living for things that will outlast him.

When you received news about Jason’s clemency hearing being denied, how did you respond?

I wailed like a baby, sobbed, felt angry, hurt, and disappointed in God. Then we saw Jason a day after this devastating news. He was calm and very much at peace. He hugged me as I wept and said, “Mom, this case isn’t about having the best attorney or about having the favor of Florida’s top executive political leaders. If I am ever allowed to walk in freedom in this lifetime, it will be because God miraculously opened a door that was closed.” My son helps me to develop an eternal perspective and that day he comforted me.

What advice do you have for those who are stuck between a rock and a grace place?

In the middle of your own hurt reach out to someone else who needs help worse than you do. When you involve yourself in meeting the needs of others, you discover an unexpected freedom on the inside. Corrie ten Boom once said, “What did you do today that only a Christian would have done?”

As a result of your journey, you and your husband have founded the nonprofit organization Speak Up for Hope. What are the goals of the organization, and how can people get involved?

Our vision: To help inmates and their families adjust to their new normal.

Our mission: We exist to provide hope to inmates and their families through encouragement and resources.

Please go to www.speakupforhope.org for a list of practical ways individuals, churches, and organizations can help with specific projects. Our goal is to live out the truth of Prov. 31:8-9: “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers. Speak out for justice. Stand up for the poor and destitute!”

Where may we connect with you further or to purchase a copy of Between a Rock and a Grace Place?

I would love for you to visit my web site at www.CarolKent.org, browse through the various events and other resources available. You may also join me on my Facebook page, please click here.

Watch her on YouTube talking on this book Between a Rock and a Grace Place
A complimentary copy of this book was provided to me as a blog tour host by Zondervan in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services atwww.ChristianSpeakerServices.com for more information about blog tour management services.

Having One of the THOSE Days?

Aw those days that are just .... well ... blah. Your just down on so many things because you have so many reasons... On days like that I just love to pick up and read the book of Ecclesiastes in the Old Testament (right after Proverbs). It's the same author who wrote most of Proverbs, but on a very down day. Today I read Chapter 11 at breakfast about casting your bread upon the water "Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again." Lots of wisdom in this short book with plenty of empathetic "meaningless....it's all meaningless" thrown in to keep it real. So next time you just need a little "I know how you feel" rather than a bubbly pep talk, pick up your Bible and read 12 little chapters of Ecclesiastes and realize even King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, had days like this. (By the way I just love "The Bible Experience". I put it on my Ipod and listen to it on my walks. Best audio Bible EVER!)

Thankfully, Bristol Broke it off!

Less than 3 weeks after the US Magazine announcement of an engagement, Bristol Palin has called off her engagement to Levi Johnston. As painful as breakups are, this will ultimately be such a blessing that it ends NOW rather than after the wedding because believe me, this guy is trouble. Anyone who would betray someone the way he betrayed and sold out Bristol and her family would certainly do it again. And forget the excuse that he was young. Character is developed early and this is a guy who not only sold out his ex-girlfriend's family for media attention, he also rushed out and took it all off in a PlayGirl spread. Yes, Bristol, mourn the loss of love and the loss of your dream of you two being together, but know that one day you will be thrilled with your decision to end it for the second time! (Check out the whole story here: http://hhvx.com/BristolPalin.)  

Ali chooses Love...Will it Last?

Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky steps out with fiancé Roberto Martinez in Hollywood after the season finale revealed she accepts his proposal. An adorable couple I rooted for all season, I wish them both the best, but have doubts they'll make it in the long run with their impulsive decision to move in together right away, oh my. Sadly, couples who live together before marriage have an even higher risk of break up than couples who wait for marriage to cohabitant. Not only that, Ali & Roberto have the Bachelor/Bachelorette curse of less than 10% making it down the aisle. The show has exactly two couples who have. And although last night was the franchise's highest rated finale since 2004, as a Love Coach my main concern for the couple's chances of success is that they have rushed into moving in together, long before the relationship has had any time to mature. Such a bummer. Ali & Roberto had the most in common, the strongest chemistry, and best shot of a life after the show. Yes, she really liked Frank too, but even if another girl did NOT come back in the picture, Frank was not the best choice for Ali when you look at the whole package--he had recently given up a solid career to pursue a Hollywood dream of writing a yet unwritten screenplay and still lives at home...not exactly currently in a place to support a wife. I'm all for pursuing your dreams, but he could have written his screenplay and kept his day job until he got his break!).

Back to my point about why I'm bummed they rushed to move in together. Once a relationship rushes into sex, communication and respect slow down or cease because the focus is on chemistry. Now that they live together he no longer has to work at winning her over and the relationship will settle into everyday life of "playing house" long before there is a foundation and history together other than the bubble of a fantasy relationship developed in front of the cameras. Thus a relationship that had all the potential to work out in the long run may fall apart merely because they skipped the vital step of laying the foundation. Time will tell.Finding A Man Worth Keeping: Dating Secrets that Work

The Bachelor repeats Sleeping with the Enemy?

Jake & Vienna

Jake & Vienna make their much hyped face to face appearance tonight on "The Bachelorette" to explain their breakup after their "He said, She said" interviews they both sold to tabloids. Of course I tuned in for relationship "research" for my readers. Here's the deal girls....I had watched Jake's season on ABC's "The Bachelor". Yes, Vienna has issues getting along with women and had every gal in the house hating her. Yes, she is alienated back home in Florida and doesn't get along with women anywhere. Thus, she has a little work to do in interpersonal relationships. BUT, when you watched the interview between the he two of them tonight, oh my, Jake didn't come out looking very good. In fact he reminded me quite clearly of a leading character in the Julia Roberts starring film Sleeping with the Enemy! He came across as a controlling, angry, freak, oh my. Girls. I have been happily married for over 12 years to a great guy. And you know what? If he measures a room and arranges our furniture and I don't like it, I'll whip out that same tape measure and give my own "expert" opinion. And he won't freak and say "You undermined me." He's knows ahead of time that I'm opinionated and I'm going to do it. Also, if I ask him directions and he tells me exactly where to go, I'm going to whip out my GPS anyway and type in the address and he won't get all angry and lose his attraction for me, he'll instead expect it and yes he'll comment in an irritated voice "Why did you even ask." These two examples are exactly two examples Jake gave to plead his case that Vienna didn't respect him and totally undermined him every moment and that "no man would be attracted to a woman like that." Whew....I could go on and on, but let's just say, ladies, if you're man is that insecure, controlling and troubled when you're dating, don't walk down the aisle, because if self-respect is what you want, he is not a man-to-keep.

Where we EAT can change our Life...Really?

Stuck on the freeway on the way to have breakfast with a Single mother of 4 this morning, I popped in the CD of author/speaker Devi Titus and re-listened to her talk on THE TABLE. I was so convicted and inspired all over again. I had gone through her HOME EXPERIENCE study 3 years ago -- the beautiful coffee-table-book is prominently displayed in my kitchen to remind me of the life I want to live daily. Today I was reminded of her core message--that actually SITTING DOWN and having a daily meal, face to face with our kids as a family makes all the difference in the world on their life and ours! Much more depth to the message than this brief summary, but so worth your time to pick up one of her two books--every Mom (single or married mom) needs this material--you will benefit tremendously from this wisdom about how WHERE we eat daily affect the quality of our current and future life.

Home Experience by Devi Titus

Is Date Night needed or overrated?

Went to see DATE NIGHT with my husband and a few other couples on our regularly schedule "date night".  My review of the film? During several scenes you'll burst out laughing a little too loud as it rings true to your life. It's a funny premise in concept, but several scenes are tacky--they didn't need to "go there". Good enough to see once, just not over and over. Take away from the movie? Have regular DATE NIGHT's with your spouse and strive to keep it as exciting as when you were dating. For more of my take on dating your spouse, read my latest article on SouthlakeMoms.com

What we Think About and what we Want

I'm in the middle of reading neurologist Dr. Caroline Leaf's new book THE GIFT IN YOU--discover new life through gifts hidden in your mind. And it is a surprisingly good book. It's not too "scholarly" that we can't understand it and yet Dr. Leaf offers cutting edge, ground breaking insights into the latest discoveries in research on the brain. Quite intriguing read since Solomon announced in the book of Proverbs over 3000 year ago that indeed we are what we think. My Uncle Darwin always mentored us with this wisdom as we were growing up. Now here's a book where science validates and confirms what the Bible has been claiming and Dr. Leaf gives practical tips on how to "retrain" your brain to stop stinkin' thinking that defeats and sabotages your dreams and start thinking healthy, empowering thoughts that will help you get where you want to go.

Are we REALLY Ever Ready to Give Up What Annoys Us?

I've been on a reading frenzy since New Years and one of the books I devoured was a book I read 16 years ago, a little known fiction book from CS Lewis called THE GREAT DIVORCE. This book tells a tale of ghosts who venture out on a field trip which offers them a choice of heaven or hell...all they have to do is choose...and give up what annoys them anyway. Will they choose heaven or hell? I got so many new things out of it this time around and saw so many things in ME that needed reflection, pondering and yes, giving up. The Great Divorce is a quick, easy read with great rewards. Here's my take on it http://hhvx.com/CSLewis. I heard my friend Ken Wales is exploring making a movie out of it...ooh that would be so cool. Hope it happens and wouldn't it be perfect to have Anthony Hopkins in the CS Lewis role again.

Could you be like Heidi Montag?

I saw that reality star Heidi Montag, at just 23, had 10 plastic surgeries in one day back in November and made it clear this will be far from her last. Married to fellow reality star Spencer Pratt, People magazine claims he was not for the surgeries as he thinks she's perfect as is, rather it was Heidi's personal obsession. Ladies, I don't have a problem with plastic surgery in general. I am saddened when it is clearly an addiction, because when it is an addiction, there is much more going on internally and emotionally. Heidi is empty inside and feels that physical perfection is going to fill that void, it's not. And besides physical perfection is an illusion. She was a beautiful girl before her first surgery in 2007 (if that was indeed her first) and yet that didn't fulfill her. I dive into the topic of if, when and how how often to indulge in cosmestic procedures in both my relationship books FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING and THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE. Check them out if you want insight on how to decide if it's for you. In the meantime, if you are contemplating going under the knife journal about it ahead of time to get to the bottom of the real reason you want the surgery. Is it to feel more love? Is it to be accepted? It it to feel worthy? What happens if you don't get those results? What are other ways to feel these results? Improving bad teeth, a crooked nose or other perceived flaws can do wonders IF you already love YOU and are emotionally healthy the way you are before the change. As you read this, if you find that you, like Heidi, feel empty inside and think that more beauty, more money, more something will fill your void inside, check out this link!

The Mystery of God's Will for your Life is finally revealed--Thanks TD Jakes!

Can't stop pondering the incredible message from TD Jakes last night as he was the guest speaker at Gateway Church's annual FIRST conference. TD Jakes dared to tackle the mystery of God's Will for our lives...and not just God's first will for every human (knowing God personally) but the specific, personal will for every individual person. In other words, what in the world are you here for? And how can you know what you're supposed to do? So many dynamic and profound insights given. For example, Jakes compared God's will to the will drafted by a loving parent for his children. He also pointed out how crucial discernment is for you to know when you've been given direction. And how if you really want something you have to ask, and God is not offend if you ask over and over. I so highly recommend everyone order the DVD or CD of this talk from Gateway. I could not do it justice to summarize it for you. Just know that it touched me deeply.

If He Can Change the World....Why Don't We?

Every once in a while you come upon an writer who is so gifted, eloquent and generous with his use of words and language that you literally can’t put the book down, nor cease from pondering the powerful message his words convey. Eric Metaxas, author of Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery is one such writer. His biography of William Wilberforce brought the famous eighteenth century abolitionist to life once again to a generation who never knew him. For those of you who don’t know the name Wilberforce, he was a British man of privilege who rose to power in Parliament at the young age of 24, met God, and passionately fought a twenty year battle to abolish slavery and a fifty year battle to win the emancipation of slavery throughout Europe (which finally happened just one day before his death in 1833). Not only that but Wilberforce also fought many other social injustice battles throughout his life and is credited for bring social conscious into existence. Eric Metaxas seemlessly pulls the reader into Wilberforce’s world as though you were actually there. He smashes the myth that the era was sweet and romantic and exposes a world of utter moral corruption and lawlessness along with the shocking truth that 25% of all women in Europe were prostitutes during that time, alcoholism was a way of life for the privileged and poor alike, public slayings were condoned, and religion was tolerated but frowned upon. In the midst of this, Wilberforce chose to make his life count and make a difference, never giving up despite unthinkable opposition. As we devour the pages before us, Metaxas pierces the heart of his readers to ponder not only Wilberforce’s impact on this world, but also to stop and ponder our own lives and to pray for guidance on what we were put here for, how we can make a lasting difference during our short time we’ve been given on this earth. Thank you Eric...and keep writing. I can’t wait to read your biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer.