What I Really Think About My Friends

Girlfriends are meant to get you through a lifetime. I’ve often said that to my audiences but I really came to grasp the depth of that statement this year. Sometimes we don’t even realize how much we need each other until we are in a crisis. This has been a sad year in the Rogers household. We lost both my in-laws within a few months. My father-in-law died in the Spring and my mother-in-law died the same day as Steve Jobs from the same cancer. Through both losses my girlfriends amazed me by their generosity and selflessness, even in the midst of their own circumstances and hectic schedules. What was so special about that is I’m not the best at asking for help. Oh I’ll give and serve, but feel awkward when I’m the one in need (I still haven’t figured that one out). But that didn’t stop my girlfriends.
They just joined together and showed up. Get this--5 of my girlfriends showed up at my house 2 days before the funeral with cleaning supplies in hand and CLEANED MY HOUSE! They cleaned my house! Countless meals were delivered, notes, phone calls, letters, thoughtful little trinkets and gifts. Earlier friends offered to help with caregiving and one dear friend just showed up on our anniversary and insisted on sitting with my mother-in-law so Will & I could go out on a date! Oh and I loved the basket of munchies, Kleenix and disposable toothbrushes another brought for the 4 of us during a long hospital stay. Another made the programs for both services... I could go on and on with all the generosity. In the midst of all their giving and serving, each of my friends have very busy lives. Yet they let themselves be inconveniently interrupted to help me in my time of need.
If you have female friendships, you are truly blessed. You may not realize it until crisis appears, but I assure you, if you have not extended the effort to build lasting friendship you will indeed notice the void when help is needed the most. Sure people are people and our girlfriends can bug us at imes. But guess what? We bug them too. Reality check, no one is perfect. But what we add to each other’s lives, really, outweighs any negative (unless you have chosen a toxic friendship which needed to be re-evaluated).
My prayer for you is that you reflect on each of your blessings this Christmas season. I especially want you to focus on the blessings of friendship. If you have a friend in need, step out of your comfort zone, be inconvenienced, and offer a random act of kindness--even if she doesn’t ask first. You will touch her heart in her time of need and end up giving yourself an emotional boost at the same time.Yes, girlfriends are here to get us through a lifetime! We will get by with a little help from our friends....Merry Christmas.

3 Secrets to Turn Bah Humbug into the Warm Fuzzies

3 Secrets to Turn Bah Humbug into the Warm Fuzzies Here are my tips for a fabulous holiday.

Moms....really? You let your kids watch WHAT?

Okay it's time for my rant to moms out there. Once again one of my kids friends went on and on about the rated R movie she watched with her parents and how scary it was and how she had bad dreams and hated it. For whatever reason, kids love to tell me stuff--I guess my kids let friends know what I do for a living and that I write books so they like to come talk to me.

Honestly, I so don't get how some parents--adults I enjoy talking to and seem to have it together--have this chip missing inside their brain that doesn't allow them to filter what is okay for kids and what isn't. Movies have ratings for a reason. And if it has been given an R rating, there are elements in the movie that have been deemed too harsh for young minds. By the way this rant also goes for parents allowing M-rated video games for their kids--seriously! Give me a break! Shockingly I hear about this more than I hear about the movies!

This particular child I'm referring to today was subjected to two horror films that her parents wanted to see so they turned them on cable when she and her 3 year old sibling were still up and had them watch it as a family. Both these movies are films I would not personally choose to watch because the subject matter is too disturbing for me--an adult! I asked her why she didn't just tell her Mom it was too scary. She said she did but her mom wanted to watch it.

I must say in every single incident where one of my kids friends have told me they've seen scary or risque movies in the past few years (my kids are 10 and 9 now) the kids said they were films their parents wanted to see. Thus it is quite clear that parents are thinking more of themselves than their role as a parent. I'm not judging the parents personal choice in movies THEY want to watch for them, but come on, you can watch them when your kids are asleep, in another room, or while at a friends house.

It is our job as parents to protect what goes into our children's minds during their childhood. If you have been blessed with the role as parent--then parent, don't be a "buddy" to your child. And that means protect, as best you can, what you permit your children to see. And FYI, if your kids are having recurrent nightmares, chances are they have been playing video games or watching media that is disturbing them.

Working it Out

Life doesn't always turn out like you planned--but you can survive, no matter what tragedy comes. That is the lesson of Working it Out: A Journey of Love, Loss and Hope by Abby Rike (from The Biggest Loser). What an amazing, precious autobiography that will break your heart and inspire you at the same time. I couldn't put it down all the way to the last page. And you don't want to miss the last 3 pages.

The Optimism Bias

I consider myself definitely an optimist--mainly because I believe God is in control, even when I have no idea what is going to happen. This was an interesting article, however, in TIME magazine The Optimism Bias

Happy Memorial Day

My first memorable Memorial Day was when I had just turned 8 years old and my parents surprised us with a trip to Opening Day of Six Flags Magic Mountain in California . We were with our family friends The Pettits and our all day adventure began with a visit to the military cemetery to honor one of the Pettits' family members who had died for his country. Yes, Magic Mountain was an absolute blast, and because it was brand new, few people knew about it in this remote city of Valencia so lines were non-existent and we road one of the roller coasters (The Goldrusher) 17 times that day! But another memorable part of that day for an impressionable 8 year old was that visit to the cemetery to think that my friends actually KNEW someone personally who died in war. Thank you to their family member and thank you for every American who has sacrificed for us so we can live this free life in our wonderful country that few other people in this world get to live. May we never forget and not take their sacrifice for granted.

It Takes Two, Baby--but it's up to You! (reprint from SouthlakeMoms.com)

Oh, the power of two! It takes two baby... two to mingle, two to tango ...But there’s more power in two than just a hit song. I’ve found the number to offer a power formula in navigating everyday responses, reactions, and recurrences of relationship challenges. It’s easy to react on impulse, without thinking about future ramifications--especially when our feelings have been hurt or we’ve felt unappreciated or discounted. Instead, from this day forward, I challenge you to be aware and deliberate in your choices by keeping my “It Takes Two” formula in mind.

What is “It Takes Two”? Probably not what you think I’m going to say. Sure there are always two sides to every relationship. And yes, it is always wise to see what OUR role is in every conflict. But what I mean by “It Takes Two” is to pause and think in twos before you make choices, reactions and decisions.

Ask yourself  How will my choice right now affect my future 2 days from now? How about 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, even 2 decades from now?

You don’t have to think through all five scenarios every time, but try three each time-- “How will this choice affect me 2 weeks from now, 2 years from now and 2 decades from now?”
Little everyday choices, seemingly innocent in nature at the start, are the spark that can completely derail a life all because an impulse was followed without thought of what would happen if...

For instance, flirting on Facebook with a long lost high school flame can tragically turn into a full on affair ruining your marriage, family and future--all beginning with “innocent” curiosity followed by a simple act of “add friend”. If only you had thought through “how will reconnecting with “Sam” affect me 2 days from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now.”
This 2-2-2 formula works with any scenario in your life--be it choices of jobs, schools, discipline, church, eating habits, fitness, addictions, time management, etc. etc.
Here’s another one -- Uninterrupted 5 minutes-a-day with your spouse--just to connect and talk about anything. So often we get too overwhelmed, tired or distracted to carve out time to spend alone with our husbands (if he travels, try 5 minutes on the phone daily). Sadly, lack of emotional intimacy builds up, layer upon layer, all too easy in any marriage. How does two days of NOT carving out daily one-on-one time affect your marriage?--obviously, not severely. But if 2 weeks turn into 2 months then 2 years, the lack of intimate emotional encounters just may have left you 2 decades later as little more than married strangers with children who have left.

It Just Takes Two, Baby! Think this formula and you will see tremendous results! Make truth and consequences a conscious part of your life. Try it out today in your marriage, your parenting and all areas of your life-- Hmm...how will doing THIS affect me in twos? Starting right now, choose to make your next 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years and 2 decades what you really want your life to be by being deliberate in your choices. 

Until next month!

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About Victorya:
Southlake Mom Victorya Michaels Rogers is a Life & Love Coach, equipping women to create and keep healthy relationships. Rogers’ authored four books, including Finding a Man Worth Keeping and The Automatic 2nd Date. Her latest release is the DVD “Straight Talk About Sex for Christian Couples” co-written with Sex Therapist Debby Wade. Victorya has been seen and heard on national TV, Radio, and print—from MTV to Focus on the Family, Cosmopolitan to Woman’s World. This former Hollywood agent is also an active REALTOR® at Coldwell Banker Residential. She’s part of First Friday Women and lives in Southlake, TX with her husband, Will, and their two children. Learn more about her Coaching services at www.Victorya.com.

Hey Moms, Get by with a Little Help from Your Friends!

I caught another episode of The-Judds, a reality series capturing the three week reunion tour of the mother-daughter country superstars of the 80s, Naomi and Wynonna Judd. Their dysfunctional relationship necessitated a therapist joining them on the road as they attempted healing as they faced their painful past. This particular episode included the release of other famous daughter Ashley Judd’s autobiography. Mama Judd Naomi was devastated to realize her lack of parenting skills caused lifelong pain to both famous daughters. What stood out to me in this episode, as they revisited Ashley and Wynonna’s childhood Los Angeles homes before fame, was that they did NOT have a support system. 

Naomi was a single mom of two young girls working 2 and 3 jobs to put food on the table and yet she had no support system. Single moms out there, in fact all women, we need support systems. The best support system I can guide you towards (outside of family when you have family of course) is to get involved with a local church--a great place to meet God and find friends to get you through a lifetime! Indeed, we get by with a little help from our friends! What better place to meet friends that at church? Churches these days have such wonderful support groups, especially in this age of mega-churches.

Here are just a few (of the MANY fabulous churches) with great support systems set up. In the Bible-belt where I live in Texas there’s my home church Gateway in Southlake (with campuses in North Richland Hills and Frisco). There’s also Fellowship Church in Grapevine, Oklahoma has Life Church in Edmond, California has Saddleback Church and so on. Wherever you are, get involved in your local church, be it large or small, and get the help and support you need.  Having recently had a death in the family, I was just amazed at how immediately my church family surrounded us and helped up put the funeral together and just be there for us. I’ve asked myself several times in my life: “What do people do who don’t have a church family in times of need?” The Judds episode tonight showed me what they do...they have a hard time. If you are out there going it alone as a mom, let me encourage you that there is support for you out there waiting to help--reach over for help from a church near you!

From This Moment On...

I'm in the middle of Shania Twain's autobiography and looking forward to reading the rest. I've always been a fan of her music and concerts--one of the best live shows I've ever attended. She is one of those rare performers who connects to everyone in the audience--women, men and kids. After a very public betrayal by her best friend having an affair with Twain's husband, understandably her world came crumbling down. Several years have now passed and she's now slowly coming back into the public eye and has just released this memoir. It's not a bitter tale of "can you believe he did this to me" rather it's a touching memoir of a overcoming life obstacles and living "From This Moment On." Kudos to Twain...looking forward to her getting back in the studio to record another album.

Get Fresh for your Man this Spring!

Spring is here. A great time to make it fresh at home! Here's my quick tips on making your relationship fresh from my Southlake Moms monthly column. Click on this link: Get Fresh for your Man This Spring.

Did God Really Tell You That?

Steve Laube had a great post today titled "God Gave Me This Post"! During my agent years, I so remember getting these type of calls from aspiring writers, directors and actors trying to break into Hollywood who would find out I was an agent who happened to be a Christian. Amazing how many heard from God that I was to be their agent. Some even heard my name in a dream. In most cases they quite clearly heard the wrong voice. Using the phrase "God told me" is too often manipulation (even if unintentional). Must say it was always delicate to turn them down in a loving way because some would hate me and come up to me at events-- some were so devastated that it affected their faith--but my career depended on me representing talent I could obtain paid work for (same with Steve).

Here's the great news for all those writers who feel God told them to write their project: If an agent or publisher turns you down-- simply self publish and you can quickly have your book in hand, fulfill what you are convinced God told you to do and have no hard feelings for those who didn't share your vision. Go easy on Christians making a living trying to get writers work--they have to feed their families too and if they don't feel they can sell you, then they, personally, can't and it doesn't mean they are mean or unChristian.

cleaning closet

I just finished cleaning out my father-in-law's closet and ready to deliver his suits and entire wardrobe to the Homeless Shelter. So many nice suits for the men ready to get their life on track and head out to job interviews.... A beautiful cashmere coat he wore in the cold winter... Many memories of the times he wore various suits, shirts and jackets. 

I didn't think it would be as hard as it just was. We lost him just over a month ago.  I still expect him to wheel himself over to the dinner table and say his favorite phrase "What's goin' on" or greet the my kids off the bus "Hey buddy how was your day..."  I've learned so much in this past month. You're never really ready to say goodbye, but memories are so precious and you cherish those moments when the memories flood back. May something as simple as his wardrobe bring blessings to many. So neat to get to do what he always loved to do--give to those in need. One thing about Bob, he loved to give.

Happy Valentine's Day

Aw the most romantic day of the year....or is it?

To some it is, to others it's stress and depression.

If you are single, make this a day to pamper yourself. Do something fun just for you. Don't go out to a restaurant  tonight as it may bum you out to see so much romance. But do think about hitting a chick flick or other movie. Or catch up on your favorite TV shows you've missed by going to Hulu.com.

For those who are married, enjoy tonight if you've planned to, but no pressure to do anything big. A simple "I love you" may be all you need. It really depends on your personality and what has been set up as the expectation thus far in your relationship. For some it's no big deal, to others it's as big as the commercial hype in the media.

Check out my article on my top 3 secrets for making this a romantic evening, if you're in the mood to enjoy it:  Three Ways to Make This Valentine's Night Sizzle

Whether you go out of stay in, Happy Valentines Day to you and yours.

The Golden Globes lost their shine

I never miss the Golden Globes. Not only did I attend them each year from 1986-1998, I met my husband there in 1996 and have enjoyed watching them each year as a fond reminder of my Hollywood years and meeting my man-to-keep. Not only are the Golden Globes the annual predictor of who will take home the Oscars shortly thereafter, the Globes are also known as one of the most elegant Hollywood annual events. Plus EVERYONE attends from both TV and Film just to be in the same place as all their peers and hang out for a evening. Sadly, this year was different.

THIS year,  Ricky Gervais delivered nothing but low class and poor taste as the emcee. There is nothing classy or funny about being a crude, offensive bully ripping everyone to shreds, which is all that Gervais delivered. The producers hit the mute button several times throughout the evening and camera shots of various stars were filled with strained expressions as the stars tried to politely smile through their discomfort. My Dad always said "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Gervais clearly wasn't raised that way. After all the flack he's been given since the show, Gervais is now taking the stance on TMZ that it is his choice to not do the show ever again. You can think that Ricky, but hopefully that option won't ever be presented to you again and movie buffs can go back to enjoying an annual evening of Hollywood Glamour rather than an evening of embarrassment and disgust.