The Bachelor repeats Sleeping with the Enemy?

Jake & Vienna

Jake & Vienna make their much hyped face to face appearance tonight on "The Bachelorette" to explain their breakup after their "He said, She said" interviews they both sold to tabloids. Of course I tuned in for relationship "research" for my readers. Here's the deal girls....I had watched Jake's season on ABC's "The Bachelor". Yes, Vienna has issues getting along with women and had every gal in the house hating her. Yes, she is alienated back home in Florida and doesn't get along with women anywhere. Thus, she has a little work to do in interpersonal relationships. BUT, when you watched the interview between the he two of them tonight, oh my, Jake didn't come out looking very good. In fact he reminded me quite clearly of a leading character in the Julia Roberts starring film Sleeping with the Enemy! He came across as a controlling, angry, freak, oh my. Girls. I have been happily married for over 12 years to a great guy. And you know what? If he measures a room and arranges our furniture and I don't like it, I'll whip out that same tape measure and give my own "expert" opinion. And he won't freak and say "You undermined me." He's knows ahead of time that I'm opinionated and I'm going to do it. Also, if I ask him directions and he tells me exactly where to go, I'm going to whip out my GPS anyway and type in the address and he won't get all angry and lose his attraction for me, he'll instead expect it and yes he'll comment in an irritated voice "Why did you even ask." These two examples are exactly two examples Jake gave to plead his case that Vienna didn't respect him and totally undermined him every moment and that "no man would be attracted to a woman like that." Whew....I could go on and on, but let's just say, ladies, if you're man is that insecure, controlling and troubled when you're dating, don't walk down the aisle, because if self-respect is what you want, he is not a man-to-keep.

Could you be like Heidi Montag?

I saw that reality star Heidi Montag, at just 23, had 10 plastic surgeries in one day back in November and made it clear this will be far from her last. Married to fellow reality star Spencer Pratt, People magazine claims he was not for the surgeries as he thinks she's perfect as is, rather it was Heidi's personal obsession. Ladies, I don't have a problem with plastic surgery in general. I am saddened when it is clearly an addiction, because when it is an addiction, there is much more going on internally and emotionally. Heidi is empty inside and feels that physical perfection is going to fill that void, it's not. And besides physical perfection is an illusion. She was a beautiful girl before her first surgery in 2007 (if that was indeed her first) and yet that didn't fulfill her. I dive into the topic of if, when and how how often to indulge in cosmestic procedures in both my relationship books FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING and THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE. Check them out if you want insight on how to decide if it's for you. In the meantime, if you are contemplating going under the knife journal about it ahead of time to get to the bottom of the real reason you want the surgery. Is it to feel more love? Is it to be accepted? It it to feel worthy? What happens if you don't get those results? What are other ways to feel these results? Improving bad teeth, a crooked nose or other perceived flaws can do wonders IF you already love YOU and are emotionally healthy the way you are before the change. As you read this, if you find that you, like Heidi, feel empty inside and think that more beauty, more money, more something will fill your void inside, check out this link!

Reaction to Celebrity Apprentice Finale

Did you catch the season finale Sunday night of this season's Celebrity Apprentice ? Trump's pompus attitude is rather unappealing at best. I mean he acts all put out when someone shows some dislike for someone, yet seems to forget his embarassing tirade he had with Rosie O'Donnell last year. Melissa Rivers and Jesse James were cut down by Trump in the middle of their response during the finale when he asked them questions. Melissa had gotten very offended when she was cut from the show weeks before and had a minor temper tantrum--which as a female I've been guilty of a similar scene I must admit. Trump wouldn't let it die ...hello Trump...you were significantly MORE immature during your Rosie O'Donnell tantrums, now come on! Trump was the one who ended up looking bad on Sunday's finale. Then there was Trump's attack on Jesse James (married to Sandra Bullock & brilliant entreprenuer in his own right) about how he had confronted Dennis Rodman on the show to do an "intervention" to help him get sober. Jesse acted as a hero and in the best interest of Dennis, yet Trump, again, tried to cut down Jesse and say his was wrong to talk to him like that. If Trump would have only listened to what others were saying he'd see that Jesse was being a great guy and caring about his fellow person! Joan Rivers (the WINNER), Melissa Rivers and Jesse James were the ones who shined this year as having character.

I Met My Husband at the Golden Globes

Sunday was the 66th annual Golden Globe Awards. For 17 consecutive years I attended those awards--which by far are the most fun and glamourous evening Hollywood has to offer. They're even better than the Academy Awards because the show takes place in one ballroom where the stars begin with a cocktail party mingling with all their fellow stars and agents, producers, directors and colleagues. then sit down to their formal dining seats as the show begins. All who attend are free to approach and chat with any and every celebrity they have the nerve to approach. Security is tight, but once you're past the red-carpet you are cleared to mingle. I have many fond memories of chatting with everyone from Tom Cruise, Don Johnson, Sally Field, Kevin Costner, even Bette Davis on her last appearance before her death! I especially remember the 53rd annual Golden Globes as that was the night I met my husband. He was in town on business and just happen to be staying at the Beverly Hilton Hotel where the awards are held. We met in the lobby and before you knew it he had back stage passes, tickets to the after-party and my home phone number. Exactly 2 years later we were married in a fairy tale ceremony at the Crystal Cathedral, I retired from my agent career, and become a Hollywood Careers Coach and missionary.

Do We Need to Be FIRST to Matter?

Happy 2009! I hope that this is an exciting year that brings you good things despite any challenges you may be facing in this current economy.

I just was emailed a new website from a friend and was VERY impressed. It's called "I Am Second" http://iamsecond.com and shares amazing stories from people you may know, including American Idol finalist Jason Castro from the 2008 season. Check it out and see how the lives of these individuals have meaning by being 2nd rather than 1st.

Brad Pitt, God and Ego

Brad Pitt discussed his view of religion and God last week in Parade magazine. He basically said he thinks religion is fine for a crutch to comfort you for any little crisis you may face but he “didn't understand this idea of a God who says, 'You have to acknowledge me. You have to say that I'm the best, and then I'll give you eternal happiness. If you won't, then you don't get it!' It seemed to be about ego. I can't see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me.”

Here's my rebuttal, as I'll address both sides of Brad Pitt's view of God and religion. First, about religion being a crutch, to some people that would be a correct analysis. There are many elements of religion that can be considered a crutch--sympton relief as I would call it. And symptom relief is an epidemic today. Symptom relief is sought in religion, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, relationships, anti-depresants, affairs, careers, fame, movies, money, distractions, busy-ness, really ANYTHING that distracts you from thinking about your problems, sadness or emptiness at any given time is symptom relief or "a crutch." So many people are so empty inside that they are pursuing anything and everything to fill this huge void they feel inside and nothing satisfies--not money, not fame, not anything, except a relationship with Jesus.

I get the whole disappointment with religion view. But there is a difference between religion and a relationship with Jesus. A personal relationship with Jesus is far from a crutch. He is real and does indeed give you true meaning. To know that you were actually created deliberately and for a purpose is quite awe inspiring. Just read Psalm 139 (right in the middle of the Bible if you were to drop it).. Every single day of our life was known by God before we lived one of them. God loves us, regardless of the love of our parents. Read the book of John (4th little book in the New Testament about ¾ the way through the Bible. There’s man-made religion and then there’s God, who created the world and sent Jesus to save us from the mess we’ve made of our lives. That’s not a crutch, that’s a solution.

Okay, now for Brad Pitt's other view about God and ego when he said “I didn't understand this idea of a God who says, 'You have to acknowledge me. You have to say that I'm the best, and then I'll give you eternal happiness. If you won't, then you don't get it!' It seemed to be about ego. I can't see God operating from ego, so it made no sense to me.”

First, I find this humorous coming from a celebrity, when Pitt himself admitted he pursued acting for fame. You pursue fame for ego. I’m not judging that as bad. I’m just making a point.

When I (Victorya) was a little girl I had a vivid imagination, especially when playing with my Barbie dolls. I remember one time I was trying to understand God when I actually pondered this very topic that Brad Pitt talked about and I came to a complete different conclusion. I was thinking about how much fun I was having creating this whole little world for my Barbie, Ken and Skipper dolls (I mean I had the camper, the house, the pool and the whole bit) and I started thinking—“Hey I’m doing this all so they can have a really great time and be really comfortable, and live happily ever after.” Then I thought, “What if they started making fun of me and giving credit to someone else for what I did for them and not appreciating anything I did for them. In fact instead, they complained all the time that they wanted more and they hated me and pretended I didn’t exist….hmmm, I would just stop playing with them. In fact, I’d get rid of my dolls and have nothing more to do with them, so there.”

This was the thought of me as an 8 year old girl, but I still remember it. And I wasn’t thinking that was because my ego was bruised. I was thinking about God and how we treat him. I was thinking “Wow, if God really created us and we all keep treated Him the way we do and talking bad about Him and not appreciating Him and we keep giving any and everyone ELSE the credit, it is amazing that God just hasn’t blown us all up yet, because we deserve it. That is amazing love that He gives us with all these 2nd chances when we don’t deserve it. And to think He sent Jesus, His only son to DIE for us when we were making fun of Him. That is crazy love. But the Bible says God did exactly that. That is far from ego. That’s giving undeserved love, also known as grace, and something I am honored to receive. Anyone who asks Jesus to come in and live in them will be welcomed home just like me. That well known verse John 3:16 and the one that follows it John 3:17 tells it all—For God loved us so much that he sent his son to die for us and if he believe in him, we’ll be His. Then He clarified that He didn’t send Jesus from some ego or to destroy or condemn us but to save us from ourselves.

Forget religion, crutches or other symptom relief. If you have an emptiness inside, get to know Jesus. He promises to save you.