Wow, I’ve continued to get emails from my July blog about the girls on Bret Michaels dating show Rock of Love. This partial email from Cassie, one of my active readers, sums up those sympathetic to Bret Michaels contestants:
Cassie said, “Don’t you understand why we make the bad decisions we make in relationships? Does love really matter? All love has brought me was a continual test of forgiveness and misery. I have a place inside that is so longing for stability and a different path so much that you question your values and what you really are as far as self respect. I don’t feel desperate but the idea of a different future is enough to make anyone coming out of a bad relationship long for a quick fix like a man with money and status, regardless of whether we get along or if there is a future of companionship and a peaceful environment.”
My response to all the hurting women who find themselves in the same place as Cassie or the Bret Michaels girls (and I KNOW that is a lot of you) is that Yes! I understand why you do what you do. That is why I do what I do—write books and advice columns and coach many of you individually. Because you want one thing and your actions are bringing you something else. I want to shake you and wake you up so you CAN get what you really want. Yes you hurt. Yes you feel like love “sucks” and your self-esteem is in the toilet. But, for starters, if you would only write out your feelings as Cassie did above and then READ IT BACK to yourself out loud so you can see how self destructive you are being and how much of a vicious circle you are choosing to remain in.
Note that Cassie said basically “I want a man with money to solve all my problems and I don’t care if I like him, he likes me, or if there is any future.”
Well yes, you do care, if not now, you will soon enough. And you will reconfirm how love “sucks” as soon as he rips your heart out because he will not make your dreams come true. He will only disappoint. If you are fed up with love, I say you are in a great place. Give it up for now and work on YOU. Stop the madness. Stop rushing towards a quick fix (which doesn’t work) and work on YOU and fall in love with YOU and find out what your dreams really are and pursue them. It is far better to live the life of your dreams alone than keep run from them with person after person who lets you down. And guess what? When you actively pursue the life you really want to live, a better companion for you will appear. And if he doesn’t you will be so content alone, you will be just fine with that!
Showing posts with label Rock of Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rock of Love. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The Rock of Love? Oh Please, Have a Little Respect for the Word
Okay, so some friends just got back from Rocklahoma along with 50,000 other people to see their favorite ‘80s rock bands, including Poison (heavy metal was never my personal thing so I passed). Thinking about their weekend, I just happened to see a promo for Poison’s lead singer Bret Michaels new reality dating show Rock of Love and decided to TiVo it. (http://www.vh1.com/shows/dyn/rock_of_love/series.jhtml)
The rock star, who’s already sold over 20 million albums, is set up with 25 women in a VH-1 version of “The Bachelor”. To put it mildly, this version of reality dating is far raunchier than ABC’s. Bret Michaels point blank lets it known that he sleeps around a lot and prefers loose women. And he announces that sex with a woman is just that. There are many women with whom he has “wild bus sex” and women who are his friends. His goal is to find a woman with whom he can have both great sex and friendship at the same time—that is the “spiritual rock of love”. He has no interest in monogamy during this search however. So ladies, for a shot of the rock of love be willing to be used. But hey, he’s a star so you can consider it a notch in your lipstick case, right? Wow, how sad.
So he’s good looking, wealthy, cool, famous and he notices you! Sounds too good to be true, right? Right. Is it enough? Nooooo! What about character, trust and monogamy? You can’t overlook major flaws like disloyalty, immorality and irresponsibility just because some highly desirable qualities are present! Why? Because you ALWAYS get the whole person in a relationship—the good, the bad and the ugly. And don’t hold out hope that you’ll be able to tame the wild one. The only person who can change anyone is the individual himself!
I could go on and on and on. During my decade as a Hollywood agent I was around celebrities and wealthy guys every day. Whereas it is always a blast to meet someone you admire, it is pathetic and unnecessary to throw out all your dignity, values, and self-respect in the process. So here is where I am going to rant.
Ugh. Have you ever been so discouraged that you just want to give up and quit? That is how I felt this week, not because I watched Bret Michaels dating show. This week I also had a half dozen of you update me on some of your ridiculous choices of pursuing wealthy and/or famous men who’s treatment of you is pathetic. In all six instances you continue to want to be involved because “he’s so famous” or “he’s so wealthy” or “he can transform my social life” and so forth and so on.
Do you ever listen to yourselves? Does a phony social persona mean so much that you don’t care about your private life? Do you think money will bring you fulfillment? If you do, then you are deceived. And you will continue to pay the price. I say continue because each of you are miserable right now and holding out false hope that he’ll suddenly show you respect, treat you well and choose you above all others. Your self esteem and that image you thought you’d gain from all this will be ripped from you leaving you feeling worthless, lonely and broken.
Whether he’s rich, famous or your normal bachelor, you have got to pay attention to what you get from your man from the very beginning. Believe what you are actually getting from this "relationship—his attitude, his vibe, his words and his behavior. If your man shows signs of a lack of character, you have to believe he indeed has a lack of character. More importantly you therefore need to believe he no good for you. Move on girlfriend. Please have a little respect for yourself.
The rock star, who’s already sold over 20 million albums, is set up with 25 women in a VH-1 version of “The Bachelor”. To put it mildly, this version of reality dating is far raunchier than ABC’s. Bret Michaels point blank lets it known that he sleeps around a lot and prefers loose women. And he announces that sex with a woman is just that. There are many women with whom he has “wild bus sex” and women who are his friends. His goal is to find a woman with whom he can have both great sex and friendship at the same time—that is the “spiritual rock of love”. He has no interest in monogamy during this search however. So ladies, for a shot of the rock of love be willing to be used. But hey, he’s a star so you can consider it a notch in your lipstick case, right? Wow, how sad.
So he’s good looking, wealthy, cool, famous and he notices you! Sounds too good to be true, right? Right. Is it enough? Nooooo! What about character, trust and monogamy? You can’t overlook major flaws like disloyalty, immorality and irresponsibility just because some highly desirable qualities are present! Why? Because you ALWAYS get the whole person in a relationship—the good, the bad and the ugly. And don’t hold out hope that you’ll be able to tame the wild one. The only person who can change anyone is the individual himself!
I could go on and on and on. During my decade as a Hollywood agent I was around celebrities and wealthy guys every day. Whereas it is always a blast to meet someone you admire, it is pathetic and unnecessary to throw out all your dignity, values, and self-respect in the process. So here is where I am going to rant.
Ugh. Have you ever been so discouraged that you just want to give up and quit? That is how I felt this week, not because I watched Bret Michaels dating show. This week I also had a half dozen of you update me on some of your ridiculous choices of pursuing wealthy and/or famous men who’s treatment of you is pathetic. In all six instances you continue to want to be involved because “he’s so famous” or “he’s so wealthy” or “he can transform my social life” and so forth and so on.
Do you ever listen to yourselves? Does a phony social persona mean so much that you don’t care about your private life? Do you think money will bring you fulfillment? If you do, then you are deceived. And you will continue to pay the price. I say continue because each of you are miserable right now and holding out false hope that he’ll suddenly show you respect, treat you well and choose you above all others. Your self esteem and that image you thought you’d gain from all this will be ripped from you leaving you feeling worthless, lonely and broken.
Whether he’s rich, famous or your normal bachelor, you have got to pay attention to what you get from your man from the very beginning. Believe what you are actually getting from this "relationship—his attitude, his vibe, his words and his behavior. If your man shows signs of a lack of character, you have to believe he indeed has a lack of character. More importantly you therefore need to believe he no good for you. Move on girlfriend. Please have a little respect for yourself.
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