Are You Numb from the Head Down?

Tried of walking all over your men?
I got an email the other day from a gal who thought she was the only one in the world with this problem. She isn’t. If this reflects any of your experience, there is hope for you!

“Jill” (not her real name) said she can’t seem to find and maintain any long term relationships because after a while she just gets, in her own words, “bitchy” with her “boyfriend’s” every move. Further, Jill is in the habit of just picking up random guys at bars, clubs or wherever they lurk and sleeping with them, even on first dates sometimes and she says she never really feels bad about it afterwards. She concluded with “I know this is not normal… is something wrong with me?”

Here’s an excerpt of my reply:

Bitchy usually means you choose men you don’t respect.

Are you slipping into accidental relationships with men you subconsciously think you deserve but really don’t want because you don’t have high self esteem? When we haven’t faced our past or our hurts we go for whatever is NORMAL to us (from our childhood), even if normal is painful, rather than what we want.

All you describe is not new to me. I have coached women who find they are acting in similar ways. What is really going on is that you are numbing yourself from feelings to avoid facing something in your past. There is real pain that you haven’t wanted to deal with. The reason you don’t feel bad after one night stands is because you stopped allowing yourself to feel a long time ago. Why? Maybe you have a fear that if you allowed yourself to feel true emotions you just might begin to cry a flood of tears that will not stop. Or maybe you just don’t believe feelings can bring anything but pain.

Please know that NO man can fulfill your every need. Every human will in some way disappoint you because we are all just human. The only ONE who can satisfy the void, that emptiness inside you, is God and he truly cares about you. For more information on how to begin a relationship with God, if this is a new concept to you, go to this special link on my website: http://finderskeepersclub.com/divineintervention.html.

Also, one way to begin to see why we do the things we do is to journal about your life. Here is a guide, “The Journey to Who You Are,” which you’ll find in the addendum in my upcoming book The Automatic Second Date. Grab a pen, pull out your journal and get started with your autobiography.

THE JOURNEY TO WHO YOU ARE GUIDE
It’s easier to recall your past when you look back on small age spans. You can choose to go in chronological order or skip around, as long as you eventually answer all the questions for each age span. To get started on your autobiography, begin with any age span listed below and answer each question to the best of your ability: ages 0-5; grades 1-4; grades 5 and 6; junior high school; high school; ages 18-21/college years; your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond.

Some Guidelines
Don’t edit yourself as you go. Don’t over think. Just start writing the first thing that comes to mind when you think back to that age and ask yourself each question listed. When you are finished, you’re ready to put it all in chronological order and write the story of your life, with all the new insights and lessons you’ve discovered in this journey to your identity and self-worth.
Some very painful memories may come up. Don’t be surprised if the hurt feelings come back while you’re writing. Just feel the pain and keep going. It’s important to recall and write down how you made it through those times and what you learned along the way, so you can understand how you became who you are today.

Your Questions
1. What do you remember most, good or bad, about your life through each age group?
2. What did you do?
3. Where did you live?
4. Who were your friends and enemies?
5. What highs did you experience?
6. What lows did you experience?
7. How did you view God and what role did you see God playing in your life at that time?
8. What are some of your life’s blessings, joys, and victories?
9. What are your biggest disappointments, hurts, and storms?
10. What dreams were planted in your heart early on?
11. Did you pursue those dreams? If not, who or what stopped you?
12. If you have already met God, when did you meet Him and what led up to your inviting Him into your life?

May you enjoy your journey to the real you!

Victorya Rogers