I was a guest on a fun talk show the other day ("At Home Live with Chuck & Jenni"). The hosts are just a hoot and always read your stuff before you get there. It was my fourth appearance on the show. One of the questions Chuck asked me when discussing my book was "What are some of the most obvious mistakes single women make to keep them from finding their man worth keeping.
That was such an easy question because, Ladies, we have all made so many mistakes in our past, at least me and all my girlfriends have. Today, lets just touch on one biggie--the mistake of IGNORING obvious warning signs from your current guy! Gals, the reason so many of us are NOT with a man worth keeping is because we don't pay attention to what we get from the guys we got. Perhaps fear of being alone keeps you stuck with less than you want.
Does this sound familiar? You go out with this great guy and he just makes you melt. He flatters you, pampers you and seems to be everything you ever wanted. You have found love at first sight! Wait, but then on date 3 or 4 or maybe month 3 or month 4 he suddenly changes--perhaps he criticizes you, cuts you down, picks silly fights, drinks in excess, makes you the brunt of jokes, or simply makes you feel bad. He is no longer acting like that prince charming you started out with. "WHAT HAPPENED?"
When things change, the biggest mistake single gals make is thinking the guy he was during the first phase of your relationship was his true self! Thus, gals either take the blame onto themselves for the new behavior OR make every excuse you can think of for their man--such as "he's got trouble at work" or "he's under a lot of stress", "he was just kidding," etc. etc.
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
Ladies, "What you see IS what you get". Not "What you saw is what you will keep getting". Pay attention to what you are getting from your guy right now! In the first few months of dating ANYONE can be anything thing want. It's called acting. Hey we all act at least a little bit in the beginning. We deliberately put our best foot forward. There's nothing wrong with that. But eventually our true self has to emerge. Learn to stay alert in your relationship and notice how your boyfriend is treating you AFTER the newness has worn off. Otherwise you will end up just like way too many heartbroken (and divorced) women who have ignored warning signs, took on the blame, stayed in the relationship, married the guy and payed dearly for their mistake.
Pay attention to what you get and one day you'll be surprised and thrilled to find a man who is truly still worth keeping after the 4th month of dating. Refuse to settle.
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I met my ex-boyfriend on e-harmony and for me was the best thing that ever happen to me, handsome, engineer, so romantic( he singing to at the phone and we had a date every wednesday with movie, he rent a movie and i did the same and we had fun watched, he live in Maryland and i live in las vegas, but in the begining was nice but he want me on the phone all day and we wasn't on the phone he want me text mess. him all the time and he got moody if i don't do that the way he wanten he made me feel guilty if i didn't that way, he say he want to know about me and maybe i didn't feel the same, he didn't let me breathing, and we had a lot of problem for that, went he came to meet me that was so beautiful, and we planning to met again on Thankgiven and we did, but ovether he got moody and lost the temper twice, he want me to move a soon as posible but I lelf him as soon i can that time and we didn't talk for two weeks but he send me a e-mail to apoligize, we continue talking but when he got mad he said left him was the worth thing i ever did, we try for few more month but little by little he try to don'n be on the phone all the time, and start to cut the text mess. like he used to, but he was there and we had a good time but phone for those months, but i want to spend Valentine day with him and he didn't thinking to be together that made me mad and i told him why he didn't thinking to be with me that day, he say he could take time off of work and i didn't had money to buy my ticket to go see him he offert to buy the ticket, he offert because i was mad, we stop talking on the biggining February, he didn't call me for Valentine days but i already had his gift and i send he didn't say thanks, few day ago i found he got married(i looking for found people on internet and i saw in his family is a new person) that got me so sad because he didn't call me to broke up with me, after 8 months i belevie I deserv atleast I'M SORRY I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, After two month and a half i was hoping he miss me, but what i found was he found a desperate ladies didn't thinking twice to get married, he always say we are soul mate you are the love of my life, i was so stupid to believe that, Today it hurt but i believe in GOD, when I was with him I always prayed to let me know if that guy was my future husband I said thank but he wasn't please take that person far away from me, he listen to me and this is the answer but still hurt. Thank you for let me write my feeling today I hope to get some advice for me soon Victoria, like you say I didn't date with a hundred men but the few i did, they broke my heart.
Thank you.
Clearly there were enough signs that this boyfriend was NOT a healthy good man for you. He got angry with you for inappropriate reasons and then he rushed and got married to the first person who would marry him. yes it hurts to be "dumped" but you are so much better off. Remember that country song "Thank God for unanswered prayers"? It may look to you like God didn't answer your prayers, but believe me he DID! You are free from an unhealthy relationship. Now just feel the pain, heal and get ready for your next date. If you haven't picked up my current book FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING, get it at www.Amazon.com or at a book store near you. My NEXT book comes out in October (The Automatic Second Date). You will love that one too.
Victorya Rogers
www.victoryarogers.com
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