I was a guest on a fun talk show the other day ("At Home Live with Chuck & Jenni"). The hosts are just a hoot and always read your stuff before you get there. It was my fourth appearance on the show. One of the questions Chuck asked me when discussing my book was "What are some of the most obvious mistakes single women make to keep them from finding their man worth keeping.
That was such an easy question because, Ladies, we have all made so many mistakes in our past, at least me and all my girlfriends have. Today, lets just touch on one biggie--the mistake of IGNORING obvious warning signs from your current guy! Gals, the reason so many of us are NOT with a man worth keeping is because we don't pay attention to what we get from the guys we got. Perhaps fear of being alone keeps you stuck with less than you want.
Does this sound familiar? You go out with this great guy and he just makes you melt. He flatters you, pampers you and seems to be everything you ever wanted. You have found love at first sight! Wait, but then on date 3 or 4 or maybe month 3 or month 4 he suddenly changes--perhaps he criticizes you, cuts you down, picks silly fights, drinks in excess, makes you the brunt of jokes, or simply makes you feel bad. He is no longer acting like that prince charming you started out with. "WHAT HAPPENED?"
When things change, the biggest mistake single gals make is thinking the guy he was during the first phase of your relationship was his true self! Thus, gals either take the blame onto themselves for the new behavior OR make every excuse you can think of for their man--such as "he's got trouble at work" or "he's under a lot of stress", "he was just kidding," etc. etc.
WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
Ladies, "What you see IS what you get". Not "What you saw is what you will keep getting". Pay attention to what you are getting from your guy right now! In the first few months of dating ANYONE can be anything thing want. It's called acting. Hey we all act at least a little bit in the beginning. We deliberately put our best foot forward. There's nothing wrong with that. But eventually our true self has to emerge. Learn to stay alert in your relationship and notice how your boyfriend is treating you AFTER the newness has worn off. Otherwise you will end up just like way too many heartbroken (and divorced) women who have ignored warning signs, took on the blame, stayed in the relationship, married the guy and payed dearly for their mistake.
Pay attention to what you get and one day you'll be surprised and thrilled to find a man who is truly still worth keeping after the 4th month of dating. Refuse to settle.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
A Kiss to Remember
One of my dear readers wrote to me and asked that I share my thoughts on a first kiss. Since I wasn’t clear if she wanted to know about a first kiss EVER or a first kiss with each new beau, I thought I’d answer both by covering the meaning of a very first kiss ever.
Aw the first kiss…. I just LOVE the movie “Never Been Kissed,” starring Drew Barrymore and that cute guy from “Alias.” I so relate to all Drew’s character’s feelings and torment she felt during her high school years. If you’ve yet to experience that one memorable moment of a “meaningful” first kiss, or if you just want to reminisce—rent that film!
My first kiss was not exactly as special as Drew Barrymore’s. I was 12 and “in love” with the preachers kid. My girlfriend felt the same about my brother, so we did what every controlling young girl did back then, we set up a game of "Truth or Dare" amongst the four of us and had prearranged with each other what the "Dares" would be. When my guy finally chose a dare (he kept asking “truth”, ugh) he was dared to French kiss me. I was so excited. A long, now humorous, story made short, the less than perfect first French kiss left me thinking this boy and I would be in love forever. Wrong! Rude awakening came the next day as my girlfriend and I ran into my brother and that boy. The four of us decided to go to the store to buy some candy. My brother saw his gal and warmly enough greeted her, grabbed her hand, and off they strolled. With a beaming smile I walked up to my boy expecting the same. What I got instead was: “What do you want? I don’t like you and don’t expect me to hold your hand!” Ouch, my first painful rejection! My girlfriend saw the whole thing and came back to console me. We continued the candy trip on ahead of the boys and life as I knew it was never the same.
How about you? Did your first kiss go better? I learned a lot from that encounter and much of it has been reinforced over the years that followed. Three things I learned were:
First off, you can not control someone else’s feelings OR their response.
Second, getting physical DOES NOT mean the same to a guy as it does to a girl. This cliché is proven true time and time again. Just because he’ll kiss you (or more) does not mean he has feelings beyond the physical for you and there’s nothing you can do in the physical to change that!
Third, those Cloud-9 emotions you feel before, during and after a kiss are NOT a tell-tale sign of longevity of the relationship NOR a sign of your own everlasting feelings for your guy. Your feelings are realistically a chemical reaction—a wonderful, romantic, amazing reaction—but not an enduring phenomenon. That doesn't mean you have to discount your feelings. Cherish them for what they are, especially since this MAY be your man-worth-keeping. And if that turns out to be the case, that is one memory you don't every want to forget.
Your Kiss to Remember: Take a moment to remember your first kiss and write it in your journal. At the very least, it is sure to bring a smile. Then dream up an ideal first kiss, like Drew Barrymore’s character did in “Never Been Kissed” and write that in your journal. You just never know, it could bring about an encounter just as romantic as you write on the page!
I welcome your feedback.
Victorya
Aw the first kiss…. I just LOVE the movie “Never Been Kissed,” starring Drew Barrymore and that cute guy from “Alias.” I so relate to all Drew’s character’s feelings and torment she felt during her high school years. If you’ve yet to experience that one memorable moment of a “meaningful” first kiss, or if you just want to reminisce—rent that film!
My first kiss was not exactly as special as Drew Barrymore’s. I was 12 and “in love” with the preachers kid. My girlfriend felt the same about my brother, so we did what every controlling young girl did back then, we set up a game of "Truth or Dare" amongst the four of us and had prearranged with each other what the "Dares" would be. When my guy finally chose a dare (he kept asking “truth”, ugh) he was dared to French kiss me. I was so excited. A long, now humorous, story made short, the less than perfect first French kiss left me thinking this boy and I would be in love forever. Wrong! Rude awakening came the next day as my girlfriend and I ran into my brother and that boy. The four of us decided to go to the store to buy some candy. My brother saw his gal and warmly enough greeted her, grabbed her hand, and off they strolled. With a beaming smile I walked up to my boy expecting the same. What I got instead was: “What do you want? I don’t like you and don’t expect me to hold your hand!” Ouch, my first painful rejection! My girlfriend saw the whole thing and came back to console me. We continued the candy trip on ahead of the boys and life as I knew it was never the same.
How about you? Did your first kiss go better? I learned a lot from that encounter and much of it has been reinforced over the years that followed. Three things I learned were:
First off, you can not control someone else’s feelings OR their response.
Second, getting physical DOES NOT mean the same to a guy as it does to a girl. This cliché is proven true time and time again. Just because he’ll kiss you (or more) does not mean he has feelings beyond the physical for you and there’s nothing you can do in the physical to change that!
Third, those Cloud-9 emotions you feel before, during and after a kiss are NOT a tell-tale sign of longevity of the relationship NOR a sign of your own everlasting feelings for your guy. Your feelings are realistically a chemical reaction—a wonderful, romantic, amazing reaction—but not an enduring phenomenon. That doesn't mean you have to discount your feelings. Cherish them for what they are, especially since this MAY be your man-worth-keeping. And if that turns out to be the case, that is one memory you don't every want to forget.
Your Kiss to Remember: Take a moment to remember your first kiss and write it in your journal. At the very least, it is sure to bring a smile. Then dream up an ideal first kiss, like Drew Barrymore’s character did in “Never Been Kissed” and write that in your journal. You just never know, it could bring about an encounter just as romantic as you write on the page!
I welcome your feedback.
Victorya
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Keep writing your story. You're worth it.
I've been so excited to hear from many of you reading the book (it's been out just two weeks now). As you've called or emailed me I keep asking the same question: "Have you been doing the homework assignments?" You laugh and say "I've started but it feels like there's not enough paper to write my story."
That's great. Just keep scribbling and writing your dreams and designing your dream man. Remember, my book is all about finding a man WORTH KEEPING, not a guy worth ditching. So do this work for YOU.
As I spoke to one of you yesterday, you were disappointed your guy hasn't called in two months after a seemingly great date and a few follow-up phone calls. It's okay to be bummed, but move on. As a previous book on the market said "He's just not that into you." So what, move on. You deserve better. Every one of us deserves a guy that thinks we are the best woman to walk into their lives! Settle for NOTHING LESS.
Victorya
That's great. Just keep scribbling and writing your dreams and designing your dream man. Remember, my book is all about finding a man WORTH KEEPING, not a guy worth ditching. So do this work for YOU.
As I spoke to one of you yesterday, you were disappointed your guy hasn't called in two months after a seemingly great date and a few follow-up phone calls. It's okay to be bummed, but move on. As a previous book on the market said "He's just not that into you." So what, move on. You deserve better. Every one of us deserves a guy that thinks we are the best woman to walk into their lives! Settle for NOTHING LESS.
Victorya
Monday, May 30, 2005
Victorya Michaels Rogers BLOG
Hi all. The release date is approaching for FINDING A MAN WORTH KEEPING: 10 Dating Secrets that Work. Amazon.com is already accepting pre-orders. Our two new websites are soon to be up (www.finderskeepersclub.com and www.victoryamichaelsrogers.com). Looking forward to ministering to single Christian gals out there frustrated in the journey of dating!
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