Friday, September 28, 2007

Don't Go BROKE Breaking Up

You don't have to lose EVERYTHING when you break up! You can still walk away with at least your bank account and assets if you know what you are doing. The sad reality is that most couples who break up DON'T know how to protect their money and they're too angry with each other that they just don't care at the very time in their life they REALLY need to care.

Many of you reading my blogs are in the middle of a divorce right now. Having walked alongside several friends during some very ugly divorces, what I have witnessed as the messiest side of divorce is the money lost! Lawyers get rich and you go broke. USA TODAY has a great article offering guidance to people in the exact position you are in today. Click on this link and read the entire article so you don't GO BROKE while you're breaking up!

Victorya Michaels Rogers

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Exactly WHY We Blow Our Love Life

Wow, I’ve continued to get emails from my July blog about the girls on Bret Michaels dating show Rock of Love. This partial email from Cassie, one of my active readers, sums up those sympathetic to Bret Michaels contestants:

Cassie said, “Don’t you understand why we make the bad decisions we make in relationships? Does love really matter? All love has brought me was a continual test of forgiveness and misery. I have a place inside that is so longing for stability and a different path so much that you question your values and what you really are as far as self respect. I don’t feel desperate but the idea of a different future is enough to make anyone coming out of a bad relationship long for a quick fix like a man with money and status, regardless of whether we get along or if there is a future of companionship and a peaceful environment.”

My response to all the hurting women who find themselves in the same place as Cassie or the Bret Michaels girls (and I KNOW that is a lot of you) is that Yes! I understand why you do what you do. That is why I do what I do—write books and advice columns and coach many of you individually. Because you want one thing and your actions are bringing you something else. I want to shake you and wake you up so you CAN get what you really want. Yes you hurt. Yes you feel like love “sucks” and your self-esteem is in the toilet. But, for starters, if you would only write out your feelings as Cassie did above and then READ IT BACK to yourself out loud so you can see how self destructive you are being and how much of a vicious circle you are choosing to remain in.

Note that Cassie said basically “I want a man with money to solve all my problems and I don’t care if I like him, he likes me, or if there is any future.”

Well yes, you do care, if not now, you will soon enough. And you will reconfirm how love “sucks” as soon as he rips your heart out because he will not make your dreams come true. He will only disappoint. If you are fed up with love, I say you are in a great place. Give it up for now and work on YOU. Stop the madness. Stop rushing towards a quick fix (which doesn’t work) and work on YOU and fall in love with YOU and find out what your dreams really are and pursue them. It is far better to live the life of your dreams alone than keep run from them with person after person who lets you down. And guess what? When you actively pursue the life you really want to live, a better companion for you will appear. And if he doesn’t you will be so content alone, you will be just fine with that!