Why did that Bachelor Dump You?

Okay so I'm overdue on blogging about the finale of this year's BACHELOR on ABC. As any of the fans of the show know, Brad, the bachelor, chose NO ONE. He had narrowed it down to two, then one, then changed his mind and decided to dump both, even though he asked them to fly Deana's Dad out for permission for a proposal. Jenni & Deanna were both left broken hearted, confused and angry. Welcome to the real world of dating.

Actually as disappointing as the ending was to many viewers, this was unfortunately a typical and realistic scenario. You can do everything right in a relationship and still have your heart ripped out of you. In this case, it was not necessarily the fault of the bachelorettes.

Brad's traumatic teen years were revealed on the first episode. At the divorce of his parents, he and his brothers went from popularity, sports and wealth to poverty and feelings of being "outcasts" all during very impressionable years. All three brothers vowed to never be poor again and seem to have proven they were serious as all three are currently millionaires.

But there were obviously deeper pain that has not yet been handled in our bachelor causing Brad to run away from love, most likely because of lack of trust and some fear that the desertion will "happen again". Though Brad's childhood pain was revealed on episode one, it was never eluded to again all season during any of the "dates" with the girls.

What is the lesson? Ladies you have to spend time really getting to know your man and asking a lot of questions and genuinely listening to his answers. Get to know his background. Get to know how he feels about his family and childhood. If there is some deep pain there that has not been dealt with, you are at risk of a major heartbreak because rarely do men stay with the ones who "fix them."

So what are you to do? Absolutely be compassionate! Absolutely care about his pain. But guard you heart! Take any relationship with this man VERY slow. Encourage him to get help and do some research on books to recommend or perhaps even a counselor nearby whom he can go to. Just don't you be his therapist, because chances are you'll get left the minute he's cured and he'll marry the next girl.

On the other hand, if his pain is not dealt with, he will NOT be emotionally open to love you because he can not trust. These often charismatic and charming damaged bachelors are not creeps and manipulators. They are just hurt and incapable of giving love until they've healed. Thus, even though your guy may seem like the greatest guy you've ever met, falling in love with him may take you exactly where Deanna ended up—to the land of the dumped and devastated.