Rah Rah Sisterhood

Your Girlfriends were made to get through a lifetime

Gals, we all need cheerleaders—be it one, five or ten! You owe it to yourself to collect a group of girlfriends, preferably three or more, with whom you can share your life. It takes the pressure off you and gives you an unbiased opinion of your life traumas. Plus it keeps you from freaking out on your man during the ups and downs of dating and relating.

Look, we all have needs and that is okay. We’re human. What’s not okay is to burden a brand new love, expecting him to meet those needs. And ladies, we tend to over analyze everything. Do your analysis with your girlfriends, but don't freak out on your new man.

It's always best to have more than one girlfriend to call so you can dwell on the same saga for hours by just finishing with one phone call and going to the next. Not that everyone has to do that, it just worked for me during my heartaches. I spent "normal" phone time with girlfriends when life was good. During my dating life I had my mom, sister, sister-in-law, co-worker, and seven (yes SEVEN) girls in my small group Bible study that I got to individually bore with each of my traumas. It was bliss to get to go on and on without losing a friend because there were enough of them to turn to without wearing out my welcome! Believe me at least once I was told, "Vic, I have to go, but call so & so and see what she thinks to see if I'm right."

Maybe I’m sounding extreme for your personality or circle of friends. Perhaps you live in a small town where it seems impossible to find a bunch of friends. And no, you don't have to bore your friends for hours. Thankfully not every crisis merits that. And remember a friendship is two-ways. You'll need to return the favor when your friends are in need.

What if you’ve been stabbed in the back by gossip, jealousy or betrayal by former girlfriends? Yes, there will be friends who hurt you. At those times, evaluate if they were speaking truth that was hard to hear or if they were just being mean. If they were being malicious then they weren't really your friend. If they were speaking truth, be thankful they loved you enough to tell you the truth rather than letting you live in denial. Either way pull up your boot straps, determine to choose your confidant wisely, and go out and try again! Because girlfriend, we were made for relationships! I chose to risk and build a support team of girlfriends for my own sanity and to keep me from scaring dates away by being too needy. We all need cheerleaders—be it one, five or ten!

Give me this: Begin to consider the possibility that you’ll open your life to females around you and build a group of girlfriends to usher you through tragedy and triumph and into the life you always wanted.

What If You Are Wrong?

I hear it almost every day from single women of all shapes and sizes: “All guys are creeps” or “I just want to find one man who is not a jerk” or some other version of the same story. Having been there, said that a time or two during my single years, I have a profound question for you who currently feel this way:

What if you Are Wrong?

Could it be time for a reality check? Could it just MAYBE be that your own perspective about the male population is actually wrong and yet because you have convinced yourself you are RIGHT to think boy are brats you have this Male GPS (you know an inner global positioning satellite that tracks down bad guys) seeming to prove you right? I mean, wouldn’t it really be humbling yet awesome if guys weren’t as horrible as you think they are? Wouldn’t it be nice to be wrong every once in a while? Here’s your chance to get started finding men actually worth finding.

1. Pick up a pen and paper and write down how you currently feel about men in one page or two (without pausing until you’ve let your feeling out).

2. After you get it all out, the second step is to think back and write out your first bad experience with a boy that taught you that men were creeps (or whatever you just said about them).

3. Third, I want you to write out a sentence stating the opposite of your current belief (i.e. if you thought men were creeps, write “There are some great guys who will genuinely treat me great”). Keep working on that sentence until it describes what you hope to be true about the opposite sex, though you’ve not found it yet.

4. Ponder your friends and couples around you that you admire. Is there any real life examples of the type of guy you just described? (Hint—I actually found one and have been happily married for over 9 years, really!)

5. Put this sentence inside your day-timer, notebook, bible or someplace you’ll see it everyday and see if just maybe changing your own perspective might change your reality.

Victorya Michaels Rogers, Author Finding a Man Worth Keeping
www.finderskeepersclub.com; www.victoryarogers.com

Ooh I Wish I Could Take That Back!

Has this ever happened to you? You find you have this yucky feeling in the pit of your stomach from guilt or regret over something you did in the pursuit of love? Perhaps you’ve crossed a personal boundary and went farther than you wanted and your conscience is not letting you off the hook. American Idol contestant Antonella Barba is feeling that pain this week after “friends” released compromising photos she allegedly made for her boyfriend. What is hidden in the closet most always eventually comes out.

How much easier life would be if we thought things through before we acted! Unfortunately we can’t take things back. So here’s your chance to think before you act. Spring break is here for some and soon for others. So girlfriends, PLEASE think before you act this week, especially if you find yourself at some spring break vacation spot with a ton of other students. There are people out there just looking to mess up your life and temp you to do things I promise you will regret later. Have you ever heard of the “Girls Gone Wild” videos? Spring Break is one of the seasons they tape those shows because that is when they find young, intoxicated girls looking for fun and attention. Don’t get caught off guard.